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Welcome my friend to the Us to podcast.
I'm julie wrestler and I am so honored to have you here in this show and community.
You'll find huge hearted overachievers who want to turn on their inner light to learn to trust their heart wisdom and help raise the consciousness of this planet just like you,
whether I'm sharing a conversation with a fellow light worker luminary or a solo cast about navigating life as an empath,
my goal is the same to help you turn your fear into faith,
to remember that you are sacred to realign with your highest potential to be fully self expressed as your UIs tieu.
Are you ready to join me on this journey?
It's time to listen to your inner guidance and follow your soul's purpose.
Never forget the chances of being born were one in 14 trillion.
In other words,
you are pure positive,
divine light born to shine,
to live from your heart and to be your fullest Usu Welcome Welcome!
Welcome us to listener.
I am so grateful you're here and I want to say that you are in for such a treat today.
I was noting we got to chat beforehand.
I have two incredible guests,
a beautiful dynamic power couple and um I always notice when my cheeks start to hurt.
It means that I am smiling so much and I just feel so grateful that you're going to get to experience their late and their wisdom and their brilliance today.
So let me introduce you to our amazing couple Loretta and to monitoring over the past three years,
Loretta and Tae have both traversed an intense transformative self love and belonging journey,
resulting in a desire to now help walk others home to their radiant cells and to shine their light.
Having both received life designer certifications,
they are co founding together a life coaching practice.
Light Your Ray and Ray,
I love this,
stands for radiant as yourself.
They're focusing on serving ambitious individuals to overcome fears and limiting belief patterns to unlock their purpose and unique,
limitless potential in their life careers.
A big part of Loretta's self love journey was around shedding her guilt and shame around her bisexuality and feelings of unworthiness tied up in her faith tradition as she was raised in today's journey began in humble roots in South Africa during apartheid and the Revolution for Equality amongst black South Africans.
He at times lost trust in people and in hope of a better world.
He suffered from feelings of inadequacy that came from living in poverty and oppression.
They're both deeply committed two and passionate about creating environments of love and belonging,
healing from the wounds of rejection,
racism and systemic oppression through deep inner coaching work under the motto,
when there is no enemy within the outside enemy cannot hurt you.
They have created a unique three pillar coaching offering focused on healing through self awareness,
discovering your light through self care and shining your light through self actualization Loretta and have traveled extensively and have a deep love for humanity for culture and cultural differences.
They enjoy daily partnership as they raise their beautiful for Children in san clemente California.
You can find tae Loretta at Loretta and today dot com.
And again we will have that on the in the show notes.
But it is Loretta and today dot com.
You are going to be so just so amazed by these two and it is my pleasure and my honor to introduce you Loretta and thank you for being here today.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for having us julie.
I've really had the pleasure of getting to watch both of you evolve and continuing to evolve and really step into and radiate your light.
And I love that that that acronym beautiful the radiance as yourself.
And I think before we get into talking about what you're doing now and how you're helping others.
It is helpful for those who don't know you to really get a better sense of some of the challenges you have struggled with and overcome and really dealt with those roots that have helped you to plant them and now create this incredibly strong trunk and tree that where you can give and help others.
And so um we just love to hear a little bit about your journeys and what helped you to get to where you are now mm hmm.
Well I'll go ahead and start and then um Kay we'll both share Um in essence um are my journey has been about a tug of war between belonging and freedom and uh and dealing with those enemies within um on the outside growing up I had a really solid upbringing.
Very,
very strong family loving family.
But from a very young age,
I check on a lot of shame and I developed some beliefs that um that the only way to love be loved is through achievements and being a good girl.
I grew up mormon and the lines between right and wrong were very thickly drawn.
Um and I um and when they were drawn by for me and I didn't always fall on the right side of those lines in what I thought,
what I felt what I did.
And so I ended up having a lot of secrets and locking those in the vaults and even so far kept a lot of secrets so far down that they even kept them from myself.
And then it created a lot of cognitive dissidents and hollowness inside.
Um I lost my true sense itself.
Um and in a desperate desire to belong.
I sort of lost this,
my own sense of freedom and integrity,
integrity was a moving target because I was trying to align with something outside of myself constantly.
Um that led to,
you know,
Me becoming a Chameleon in a lot of ways my family moved.
I grew up in California,
but then we moved to Kuwait when I was 14 and and I I ended up really thriving in the Middle East because I assimilated.
Um And then I went to africa and I assimilated in africa um When I went to college um colleges where went to Brigham young university um and where I spent a lot of time alone and I had a really hard time assimilating at that point and and I found myself spending a lot of time in nature um and um time with the students for international development club.
But I didn't go on dates,
I didn't have friends very many friends.
I spent a lot of time during those years alone um And really just poured myself after college poured myself into my work and achievements and um well we you know I'll pause the story there but I dealt with a lot of anxiety and you know we create after we we created created a successful life on the outside for myself um um But you know a lot of overachieving and people pleasing um took on very masculine energy and corporate roles.
Um And and just again was still struggling with a sense of self for years all the way into adulthood but would love to pause and either let you ask any questions or give me a chance to talk about his his rooms.
Yeah well I I just,
first of all I mean it just sounds like um there's such self awareness and and it's so interesting kind of like when you see a tapestry right and the front of it is all beautiful,
you turn it over and it's like,
oh there's so many knots and it doesn't look the same and it just,
it sounds,
I'm curious to come back to some of this,
but really can it,
you said something that really hit me,
which is this,
you kept these secrets and mainly from,
from yourself,
we'll come back to that because I think that is,
that is something that I think others definitely can identify with,
especially um you know,
around shame and what do we do with that?
So,
so beautiful.
Loretta,
I mean,
I know you've made such such shifts in your life um tae would love to hear because I know you had a completely,
like,
you didn't even,
you weren't raised in the States and you can share with us,
like what it was like for you growing up.
Yeah,
well,
thank you for sharing love.
Um so my story has,
you know,
has stated when you were reading our profile,
there was coming from humble beginnings,
you know,
my,
I have four siblings and my mom,
she couldn't take care of us all by himself because my dad and had um separated.
So we lived with our grandmother of which didn't have a stable job because she was taking care of her kids and also taking care of us.
So um,
eventually there was a time when,
you know,
my brother went to be farmed out to my uncle's house and this was an opportunity for,
you know,
for most of us kids in their family,
like my brother is gone and my other brother had left as well and stayed with with relatives.
And then um I chose also to be found out to go live with this one family.
And so you know the same,
it really takes a village to raise a to raise a child.
It's not an understatement in africa.
So um but along came with that came a lot of,
I would say negative negatives,
you know,
things like abused violence.
You know,
these are the things that witnessed,
you know,
violent political violence,
um domestic violence.
Um and and on top of that apartheid because this is where this is the era that I grew up in.
So people were already oppressed by the government um you know,
sex segregated because they were solely because the color of their skin and then oppressed by the jobs or the education that they got.
And so the education we had was called Bantu education,
which means it's basically skilled trades and stuff like that.
We couldn't really get a good job when we graduate from high school and stuff like that.
So anyways,
um I've witnessed horrible things as a kid growing up.
Um you know,
death around me was like walking walking in the park every day,
you know,
some people get get get killed and you know that it was not,
it was not a good place to raise a child um in my time.
Um so moving forward,
um you know,
I like that expression of the enemy within,
if if that enemy within exists inside of us then it is easy for us to falter anyway,
so um I grew up with his family that was close,
close close family friends and experienced hardship and abuse um and yet I still knew that there was something,
you know,
something that was better than what the life that I was living and I,
you know,
I was angry to the child,
not not too angry,
but I was,
I was angry at my dad for living,
I was angry at the situation that we were in,
was it,
you know angry that well I chose to be found out,
but then it ended up not being such a really good,
there were some good things about it,
but there was also some not so good things about it,
about being found out,
a lot of not so good um as I mentioned abuse and beatings and you know um but I am eventually um moved back At the age of 16,
Welcome back to my,
to my family,
to live with my my grandma,
to my,
to my grandma's house again and left that that family,
50 years and years of me living in that family,
enduring and enduring years of abuse and um compassion,
oh my gosh,
it's like um it's hard to get my head around like I can't even as a young child just thinking as you said,
you think of the park right?
And kids to the park and they play and you have swings and the fact that you're seeing people die as a,
as a that's a common occurrence.
It's like,
you know,
I can tell you anyone listening and my heart were like that is just,
it's awful.
And so I can't even imagine as a little person experiencing that.
And the one thing that's so,
it's just so amazing to me about you tae is the like inner joy and I really hear that quote that you talked about the enemy within when you when you can kind of like let go of the enemy within because you have so much joy and light within you.
How did you go from 16 going back to your family's house,
what you grew up with that?
I mean,
you know,
in in this conversation maybe just highlight like how are you able to make peace or or really be with the with what you saw and and come out this way like with this radiance and joy.
Like I know you talked about anger and you talked about,
I can't even imagine fear,
I would think and sadness,
you know,
I think about your the ray right radiant as yourself.
Like how did you,
because you're so radiant today as yourself,
How have you done that?
Well,
I'm glad you asked that question,
I think that one of the things that kept me going and that helped me have that peace within myself was I held on to the things that I felt that I didn't have,
for example,
I did not have a,
I grew up without his father present in the home,
so I have decided as a 77 or eight years old that I'm not going to become my father.
So I held onto the things that,
and I think they're all project,
you know,
so,
so what I didn't have,
I held onto and so um,
you know,
recently you um you had a ted X talk about the power of words,
you know,
when we,
when we take those words and we apply them to ourselves,
I've heard words like,
you know,
you'll never grow up to be this or you will never amount to become that or things like that.
And so I held onto the opposite,
you know,
because people discounted us or discounted me growing up,
you know?
And so I held onto the offer of it and said,
you know what,
and I'm gonna hold onto this idea of I'm gonna become this instead of become my father or become this instead of that,
which was not positive in my life,
and that's why I feel like it was the light that was,
that I carried with me within me,
you know,
I still had beautiful moments as a kid,
I still had laughter,
you know I still played um and the light,
that little light or that little step of spark,
you know something that was in me,
that's the thing that kept me going to become the man I am today,
that's amazing,
I love what you just said about and what I,
what I'm getting and I think this ties in even to what you were saying to Loretta,
it's like,
hey you just,
you chose,
you made a decision to no matter what I'm going to be my best self,
I'm going to not be my father,
I'm going to be,
I mean I kept hearing this empowerment there,
like you just made a choice and you kept holding on to those words no matter what you saw,
that is so powerful and I can see why who you are now um some people wouldn't come out that way um and just to just to hear you know,
your resolve,
like I am choosing to be somebody in the world and and it's not surprising now as a father and with amazing Children and I know a lot of what you're doing is also working coaching men um and other fathers as well.
It's so it's just a powerful lesson,
you know,
for for people,
for all of us,
right,
we have different struggles,
you really that to me is I can't even imagine,
I mean that's kind of some of the most challenging things you could,
you could deal with on earth.
Yeah,
I mean I you know,
I think about it and I'm thinking about the loss or the losses I've had along the way and lots of friends who had died at a very young age because they chose a different life,
you know,
a life of crime or a life of some of them are in prison,
you know,
and so and I I shouldn't be here today.
You know,
that's that's the thought I shouldn't,
I shouldn't be here,
I should be either in prison or dead because that's what,
that's what this is what was happening around me consistently every day.
Yeah.
People that I grew up with and so but the choices were the choices that I have made when I was a kid were there and those are the ones that gave me this opportunity to,
to stay strong.
It was not easy.
Um there was so much hardship.
Did you see the beautiful paradox where externally,
you know,
growing up externally a mess but so beautiful and grounded and present and belonging to himself inside and then for me on the outside having this,
you know,
solid safe,
peaceful,
perfect family.
But on the inside feeling hollow and um my mess was inside and and just the we needed each other immediately when we when we met it was like this pole because of this complimentary healing,
reciprocal healing and helping each other.
I was just so powerful.
You just said Loretta and I was thinking gosh the enemies were different.
You had the enemy on the outside in today's world and in your world it was the inside and what I know that you've both really your stand for and what you're doing is like let's have no enemy and and and and and in in the world in the world that we live in as well impression racism,
relationships,
connections.
Um and just watching the two of you seeing how this has started from within to to you know take it sounds like you just had like you said Loretta this strong resolve there was there wasn't an enemy within it was around perhaps or that that feeling that's necessary enemy but challenge of death and destruction around you and Loretta that that that was going on inside.
Yeah and I was gonna say to that point about the words that you you know that Ted x talk you said about words was I did not let those words affect the way I I thought about myself.
Yeah yeah you chose.
It's so powerful.
You did not let them and and I think the question for all of us everyone listening is what words like what are you letting affect you Loretta to go back to you for a minute because I know you've talked about struggling with the secret and the shame and the and the internal the internal struggle.
Um what helped you to start to change and and shift that dynamic and relationship within you.
So for me it finally decided to choose freedom over belonging.
Um and I had a big the big breakup,
if you will,
a big quiet but invisible breakup with all of these pillars of belonging that I that I had created for myself externally.
Um as in I left,
the more I separated myself from the mormon church,
which I was,
you know what,
that I belong to.
Um I I left my company,
my corporate job of 11 years um left um and moved to another home and and only in that departure of of of of sorts,
I had gotten to a place where I needed freedom,
right?
But when all of that,
when I left all of those things,
I hit a rock bottom because I found myself at an extreme loss and it was too many departures I think at once um and I experienced and experiencing trauma upon trauma and grief and loss and really then I didn't have any,
I still didn't have anything inside and I then I didn't have the external things either,
the support systems externally and and I was I was in a pretty desperate place staying alive really for my husband and my kids when I met you Um it was really this December of 2019 when I we met we met you um at this wonderful,
beautiful um read a leadership conference are our friends halal reid and john Berghof are beautiful people,
beautiful souls in this gathering um filled with so many um mentors and just high vibration,
high energy people helping us to lead from the inside out and to heal from the inside out and to lead these beautiful radiant lives and you were one of those people that really I could really um mm hmm relate with and empathize with and that I could look to as somebody that I knew could help me on my journey of healing And that's when I discovered that's when I started the healing process 2020 and and really um it was really through going inward and getting still um and being versus doing and really listening to my own authority,
listening to my heart and we learned how to reclaim my authority for myself and really connect with my divine feminine south.
Um and and get really connected to mother Earth and um that journey of sacred journey of self love and worthiness is allowed us to then start to see all of this beautiful unfolding and rebuilding our our lives externally,
you know,
bling blessed to live,
you know,
acquire a dream job in a in a dream home and um you know this,
you know,
discovered that coaching was actually perfect of the perfect thing for for for for our skill sets and in being able to give back and and finding this sense now of belonging and freedom together.
Hello,
my dear sacred friend,
this is julie.
I'm just pausing really quickly because I know if you're here,
being your usU is really important to you and I so honor and acknowledge that I'm grateful to be on this journey with you and I just wanted to share if you are feeling called to really help others to do this,
to tap into their U.
S.
U.
To create that kind of powerful life by design,
then you might be interested in my life designer coaching certification program.
It's a four month virtual live program.
I personally have brought in heart and Soul my experience over 10 years of coaching hundreds and hundreds of ambitious executives and entrepreneurs and moms and people like you as well as my master's degree background in coaching,
my teaching at Georgetown University and coaching and I have added in so much around intuition,
body wisdom,
the healing arts,
heart intelligence as well as positive psychology.
So if this feels like something that might be for you,
I would love for you to connect with me or to just apply and you can do that now at julie Rissler dot com forward slash certification and I hope to connect with you soon.
Lots of love.
So I'm what I'm pausing for is you know,
because we've both,
we've all done the coaching work together and that whole and statement,
you know,
being able to hold both and it just sounds so,
it's so powerful.
Loretta,
you went from choosing belonging over freedom to freedom over belonging to today.
What I'm hearing is it's an integrated life,
feminine and masculine belonging and freedom,
right?
Bringing in your,
your gifts together,
even the work you're doing.
And it's just when you said that,
I'm like,
wow,
what a,
you know,
there's some people that get to the end of their life and don't ever have that experience.
They didn't do the work.
That's part of the reason why I'm so happy to have you both and to,
to do this podcast is I don't want anyone to ever get to the end and feel like,
oh,
shoot,
I missed it.
And it's just,
that's what I'm hearing with both of you.
It's what I love about each of you in your own distinct way is you are just showing up every single moment to moment to be your,
your higher self,
your highest self.
And just hearing you say that,
but you have the belonging and the freedom that is kind of,
it's so incredible to have both today.
Maybe never thought that was possible before.
I don't know.
Yeah,
completely.
And,
and,
and I will say that the,
um,
the,
that it's a journey that continues and it's not static and it's something that we're continuing to nourish,
um,
and did a lot of work in 2020.
Um,
but,
and on May 25 this year,
um I was in a car impact.
I was in a car accident wasn't,
I don't think it was an accident.
I think it was an opportunity for me,
but I would like to receive another in experience something to compel me to do even more deconstruction and reconstruction.
Um because that car accident where I was hit,
it happened on the anniversary of George Floyd's.
Yes,
May 26,
was his one year anniversary.
And at the time that I was struck by this other vehicle,
it was actually um the same day and even hour as when he took his last breath.
And it has and it was the night of the lunar eclipse that night.
And there were a number of other synchronicities that it compels me to go even further in asking myself what does belonging really mean?
And how do I really received belonging?
Um And it's it's been a beautiful healing journey since then the past three months or so of cleansing,
doing some even further cleansing work.
That inner cleansing work and reinvigorated my sense of being in that center of victory and surrender in the center of gay and straight,
in the center of heart and mind,
in the center of body and soul in the center of body and masculine and feminine in the center of living in death.
Like just being in the center,
just being in that wholeness belonging and freedom.
Um And not just not having to choose,
eliminating the lines,
all these lines,
right,
dividing lines,
racial lines,
all these lines.
And just in the center it's and I got it first evolved my body,
I started with my cheeks hurting now my body of chills all over my entire body just hearing.
I remember when you had this car impact,
the accident,
I did not realize that was on the one year anniversary of George Floyd's death and just like the the power of that and what you're saying about letting these lines kind of disintegrate of where we have the right or the wrong,
this,
you know,
where we start to get into,
you know,
pointing fingers or like you said,
being in the center of mind and heart,
you don't have to choose just your mind.
You don't have to choose just your heartbeat into the center of that find that wholeness.
Um and you started to really you just made a comment about belonging and I'm like,
oh,
I wonder if you could just share a little bit about you said you did some reflection like,
what do you think it really does mean this,
this belonging and how can we,
you know,
how can we or anyone listening?
How can we start to really move towards that?
It's kind of a big question,
but you are up to it my friend because I was just beautiful thoughts and like keep going and try to but I'd love to hear what does that mean to you really,
it's a wonderful question.
And it's one that to be quite honest,
I'm still exploring and and I'm devouring all things along those lines.
You know,
reading Burn a browns um um literature around belonging and just trying to really study it.
Um because for the longest time I'm like okay I get that that you know,
you know,
there's this element of belonging to oneself and you know,
being you know,
walking yourself home and we you need to have this like sense of home within.
Um but then and there's also this human need to belong in relationship to be in relationship with others and be in connection with other human beings and through the work of dr danni friedland.
Um and others I know that we need this,
we need to be able to give and receive with others.
And our brains are wired biologically for that,
and I was still feeling a great sense of exclusion.
Um and like loneliness,
like okay yeah the self floods there,
but I need I need,
can I still need connection with others?
How do I how do I find that?
And how do I um how do I maintain my own sense of belonging?
And what I think what I think it really comes down to is the cross road belonging is about the crossroad of assimilation and uniqueness and this is what I'm learning a lot from what I'm doing in my corporate job.
So I had that talent development and diversity inclusion efforts in my organization.
And so a lot of the literature around,
you know,
in the inclusion where talks about this crosswords and I think it's really true that when we can be assimilated meaning to the extent that we feel like we're part of the team um and we you know,
we have shared a shared sense of purpose with with with others and we are to the extent that our uniqueness is celebrated and a part of that team that's where true belonging is found being completely,
truly uniquely you and and being a finding others that you can share common purpose values um you know,
connection with in community with and and and you know in that community that their sense of stewardship and um and shared sense of a shared story.
A shared purpose.
Um and so what I'm really focusing on now is my uniqueness rebuilding really who am I?
And bringing my uniqueness forward in those communities and whoever I show up with remaining became my head,
you know,
where my hair curly to do me wear the clothes,
you know,
I don't have to put on the corporate suits straighten the hair have the you know,
the look that would be assimilating but I can be me and then I can share with with my organization and shared values during purpose.
Mm hmm I got that um the curly hair girl got you there.
I was like,
nope not straighten it.
Um tae you were gonna say.
And I also would love to hear in a moment how you guys Because I think a lot of what you're doing in your coaching work is also bringing in this belonging and this this incredible connecting.
But hey,
you're going to say I love to hear your thoughts about belonging for me.
I think that you know,
it's more like either a child,
you know,
for me because you know what Children need is we need to get out there and we need to tell them what to do.
We need to we need to,
you know,
keep them away from danger and all that kind of stuff that we do for for our Children.
And so sometimes I felt like that I felt like those blinders that we that I grew up with.
We're the ones that are with them not letting me belong.
Is he giving my power and to somebody else to some you know,
somebody else tell me what to do when to do it,
how to do it.
And so I wasn't really belonging because they didn't have control.
I didn't have I was not in charge of myself.
You know?
And so um but taking away those blinders when I really rediscovered who I was and actually gave myself permission to belong to myself.
I started realizing what was going on around me.
I started opening up my eyes of what was really who I who I was,
who I really was and also what my papers was as well.
And and that is such a gift to to understand when we when we start to understand who we are,
take off the blindness,
stop pleasing people who we really are coming back to ourselves and coming home to ourselves.
When you knock on that door,
you can actually open it and see yourself for who you are.
And that's what happened to me.
And when I when I say I love something and I'm gonna do something,
I love something and I will do that thing because I understand who I am and um you know Loretta always tells me man you always live in the present.
Why would you do that?
It's because of where I came from those roots that we talked about earlier,
where the poverty was prevalent and so everything was survival mode for me.
So I just lived in the present because tomorrow may not come and rightly so we don't even we're not even guaranteed tomorrow,
you know.
So I lived in the presence,
I lived in the moment.
I lived in that moment where I had this thing right now and I'm gonna be present and enjoy it right now.
And so when when you talk about belonging then that's that's the essence of it for me is to take away the blinders and rediscover who I was and really live in the present,
that was so exquisite.
I I wrote this down this quote,
like stood out to me,
it's really giving,
you talked about belonging,
is also giving permission to belong to yourself.
And then that was like,
that is we gotta make a big quote card on that one.
Um but giving your,
you know,
self the permission and then taking those blinders off,
and I was remembering au the coaching group you were in.
I just remember when you speak,
everyone was like leaning in like,
hey speaking,
like there's like,
wisdom is coming out of you and of course with you too,
Loretta,
I'm just remembering and your cohort,
I'm like,
oh my God,
everyone would like lean in and be like,
just every,
you know,
you have a lot of wisdom,
so that uh reminds me of the pearl,
you know,
when you have so much grit,
you have a beautiful pearl that comes out of it.
And anyhow,
I appreciate what you just said so much.
And it helped me as well.
Just think about,
yeah,
you know,
it's,
it's so true about taking the blinders off giving yourself permission and then staying in now,
because that's what we have before we wrap,
I do want to talk about this beautiful work you're doing and the radiating as yourself and the the coaching work and the way that you're serving um and kind of your,
your y and your vision because I think it's I think it's beautiful.
Um so however you would like to share about,
I just want to give you a moment because it's it's so heartfelt to me,
oh,
the beautiful part about this whole thing and coming together and doing the coaching together that we complement like florida had said each other.
And so um and we have come up with this model that be um we love so much and it's it's uh you know,
it's the arrangement as yourself um and the accounting for that would be the shield um has sending stands for stillness.
You know,
we this is this is the call of what we,
we wanna um envelope and really give a gift to the people that we coach.
Um and so um so stillness in terms of meditation and really getting to know and be grounded in who we are just sitting there in that in that moment and really listening in from the universe to to to ourselves giving ourselves that gift to listen and be in tune with that and then um and then Loretta touch based on healing,
which would be the age and this is the work.
You know,
this is what I call the work because each one of us have to do that and with our coaching practice when we do the healing process,
it's it's something that is so personal and very sacred,
but yet also um it has so much value and worth and so um this is,
this is the moment where people,
we become to redefine ourselves and really rediscover who we are and then intuition um you know one of the best things that we can have ever have in our lives is to be in tune and have that intuition with marshall's great swallowed like Einstein understood intuition and he,
you know he has so many quotes about intuition and um he was,
he was a brilliant man and yet intuition was out of his flower um and then the e would stand for elevate when we um when we,
when we get to the elevation part we really discover,
we're discovering when we're discovering new things.
This is what happened to me,
you know laurel had talked about going to to meet you for the first time and all these other beautiful souls that we met in san Diego.
We had,
I had awaken that weekend when that I think that this is the weekend I think I woke,
I woke up from whatever sleep,
the deep sleep that I had and so I started rediscovering and learning and growing and um there was the light that light that we talked about at the end of the tunnel for me,
I was like I need to get to that light because I'm rediscovering new things and this is what what happens when we coach people and they get to the point where they can also see that light as they wait.
I want that,
I want to rediscover who I am,
take off the blindness,
let me just be.
And then Love would be the next um um letter on the acronym shield,
um basically embracing embracing all about you,
embracing everything about you.
And then we talk about those self positives and then the self negatives,
you know,
self care,
self love,
self awareness,
self actualization and departing away from those self doubt and you know,
all the self negatives that we may have in our in our minds.
And so when we really truly embrace and love ourselves to that point where we understand what love is for ourselves because it's easy to love others,
but we don't love ourselves.
It's hard to show to show that.
So um and then finally the D for the acronym would be delight.
And that's when we you know when when when we come out on top we're at the top of the mountain and we can see that sunset,
we can see those clouds,
we can see the beauty,
you know the colors of the sky,
the oranges and the and the and the purples and all that.
We are actually actualized.
We are up there on top of the mountain and we have done it and this is self actualization when we when we get to that point and we feel please please with ourselves who we are,
please,
that we can show up as we are to others.
We don't have to put on the masks,
we don't have to put on anything which is b be us,
we just flow,
just just we'll just be and so this is that this is the beauty about,
about this um are coaching,
you know,
practice with,
with shining our light,
discovering our lives and also healing,
you know,
and so,
um,
and we have,
we have lived this and now we're trying to share it with all the with with others on how they can actually do this as well,
wow,
I love this shield and I just had this image of for those who know,
like the Maslow's hierarchy of needs and you,
you know,
it's,
it's interesting cause even in your journeys,
while one seemed inverted when x like yours was,
you know,
hey,
you had the,
the needs for,
I mean,
for a long time,
it was like you were the basic,
the basic needs,
um,
Loretta,
your needs were met,
but it was like the one or two rungs up on that pyramid and you both have,
like,
I just saw it as like a mountain,
you know,
the pyramid and together in your own journey,
you've,
you've gone through those different levels to get to the self realization and self actualization and I think,
and I know people that are,
you know,
our listeners are human beings that,
you know,
I always say,
we're still family.
I know you,
I know you're listening because I know I hear from you,
you want to make a difference in the world.
And so what you're talking about is just this is so beautiful and so powerful and I keep seeing that image that you were saying Loretta of meeting in the center the wholeness right of the feminine and masculine taking.
You know you were you were talking earlier about these different energies and you not being stuck in one or the other.
You can have belonging and freedom finding that and and you know it sounds like what you're doing with your coaching and this work and because you've lived it is really helping others to achieve to to align with that and to be that and to have that experience So wonderful because that it is it's that hierarchy and that self actualization in order to live your purpose and live a life of significance and live B2-2 really delight yourself and others.
You have to do the work.
You can't stick the foundation.
You've you've got to go through that healing and discover self discovery and then figure out the how right shining your light and once you know what it is,
what is your purpose get really clear on your purpose.
Then we help take people through how to manifest that and it's awesome because we combine the masculine and the feminine energies if you will we combine both.
You know the feminine,
you know intuition and um emotional um,
aspects and using the laws of nature,
the law of attraction and things like that.
But then we also use the masculine action oriented,
the business management skills that we have and using design thinking and you know,
even my project management skills to help people lay out a plan and you know,
hold themselves accountable and they want to establish success metrics and you know,
we can bring all that in.
We can combine the masculine and the feminine in,
in,
in in the hallway.
That is the best serves that person.
And it's wherever they are on their journey and it's not linear.
So it's it's it's meeting people wherever they are on their journey.
And just like we just love love coaching because it's such a intimate um and powerful process Two to be able to just show up and you know,
with with him as a,
as a loving presence with a mirror and asking powerful questions to help people realize their own answers and and and help them go through that process of self discovery.
Amazing.
And what I love is you've done that work and you are doing the work.
It's not a,
as you said,
it's not linear and it doesn't end.
It's a,
it's a journey.
Um well,
I just,
oh gosh,
I mean,
so I'm just gonna say everyone listening,
these are like,
I just adore you both so much and knowing some of your story.
I'm like I'm just so honored for you to share who you are.
Clearly There's so much more obviously to go into here.
But to just touch upon both of you the work that you've done.
The listening,
the honoring of your intuition of your heart of really what moves you and then stepping forward and have encouraged and then finding that Holness really is the two of you.
And I'll say um to everyone To my beautiful soul.
Family listening.
Like I was so enamored with their energy.
I literally like stumbled in the first time I recorded I was like,
I can't even speak.
There's just so much good you do here.
There's so much good good vibes here.
And I we had to do it again.
I'm like,
what is happening?
I mean,
you both just radiate yourselves your beauty or that oneness.
Um before we end,
you both are familiar with my heart flare terms.
I just want to check in is there any heart flare?
Anything that maybe I didn't ask you or just even that's just coming up for you that you feel like you know,
I feel like our beautiful community of listeners would really benefit from hearing.
So I'll just give you each a chance if you'd like to share peace.
Yeah,
breathing in ocean and energy And but peace.
Sick lives within you and not in nature offers an infinite flow of And just I don't know An invitation to mm hmm breathe it in,
breathe in the piece that is around us and in us.
Um I want to give that invitation to just take to just take in some deep cleansing pete breasts and invite welcome that peace.
Inner peace um mm hmm Beautiful.
I like that.
And also I want to add I want to add to that.
I want to add what I've been thinking about is kindness.
Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm witnesses.
Um you know you've been wearing a lot of big kind you know kind and I love I love those.
I love those shirts because they speak you know you may not realize when you read the words they really speak to people and they speak to me and so kindness is a is an eternal law.
Mhm So when we when we exercise kindness it actually opens up something in us um that we have so many doors that we you know inside of ourselves and one of the doors that I feel like kinda does for me helps me and this helps me be patient.
Mhm And the world is such a busy place where now there's so much going on we are always on the go um if we can take an opportunity to be aware of what's going on around us with a little bit more kindness something will change a little bit more and has spent years and it's still every every day trying to counterbalance my on our anxiety i with feelings of peace.
I love that you said that because I think kindness um and and kindness towards ourselves is sort of the the anecdote in the invitation that invites that piece some.
And I think if you can wear it,
you can become it.
Mm hmm.
You can say it or wear it,
you can become it.
Oh my gosh!
Beautiful,
Beautiful heart flares like peace and kindness.
I can't think of something more important than what I know.
I am imagining anyone listening to is going to resonate with and need more of right?
Just being that being that that piece being that kindness to yourself and to others.
So beautiful!
Oh my Gosh Loretta and thank you so much for coming on today for sharing your gracing us with your wisdom,
your stories of just what you've been through and finding that end of the belonging and the wholeness and holding that space for others to do that and through your coaching,
work through your light through your being and just through your hearts.
I'm so honored and grateful And I just love you both.
Thank you for being here today.
Thank you so much.
We love you my friend.
I am so grateful that you are a part of this powerful community.
I thank you for listening to this episode and I hope it inspires you to remember who you really are and who you chose to be in this lifetime.
I created this podcast from my own heart's desire to amplify the vibration of compassion,
kindness,
abundance,
heart,
magic and so much more,
both within you and the collective.
I'm honored to be your host,
your friend and your companion on this life journey and I love feedback.
Let me know what you loved.
What would you love more of or what would you love to see covered on the show.
And if you feel moved,
please subscribe,
rate and review the USU podcast so that we can continue to shift the way humanity operates and shape this gorgeous collective community with the deepest love,
admiration and respect for your USU.
Until next time.
Yeah.

Welcome my friend to the Us to podcast.I'm julie wrestler and I am so honored to have you here in this show and community.You'll find huge hearted overachievers who want to turn on their inner light to learn to trust their heart wisdom and help raise the consciousness of this planet just like you, whether I'm sharing a conversation with a fellow light worker luminary or a solo cast about navigating life as an empath,

my goal is the same to help you turn your fear into faith, to remember that you are sacred to realign with your highest potential to be fully self expressed as your UIs tieu.Are you ready to join me on this journey?

It's time to listen to your inner guidance and follow your soul's purpose.Never forget the chances of being born were one in 14 trillion.In other words, you are pure positive,

divine light born to shine, to live from your heart and to be your fullest Usu Welcome Welcome! Welcome us to listener.I am so grateful you're here and I want to say that you are in for such a treat today.I was noting we got to chat beforehand.

I have two incredible guests, a beautiful dynamic power couple and um I always notice when my cheeks start to hurt.It means that I am smiling so much and I just feel so grateful that you're going to get to experience their late and their wisdom and their brilliance today.So let me introduce you to our amazing couple Loretta and to monitoring over the past three years,

Loretta and Tae have both traversed an intense transformative self love and belonging journey, resulting in a desire to now help walk others home to their radiant cells and to shine their light.Having both received life designer certifications,

they are co founding together a life coaching practice.Light Your Ray and Ray, I love this, stands for radiant as yourself.They're focusing on serving ambitious individuals to overcome fears and limiting belief patterns to unlock their purpose and unique, limitless potential in their life careers.

A big part of Loretta's self love journey was around shedding her guilt and shame around her bisexuality and feelings of unworthiness tied up in her faith tradition as she was raised in today's journey began in humble roots in South Africa during apartheid and the Revolution for Equality amongst black South Africans.He at times lost trust in people and in hope of a better world.

He suffered from feelings of inadequacy that came from living in poverty and oppression.They're both deeply committed two and passionate about creating environments of love and belonging, healing from the wounds of rejection,

racism and systemic oppression through deep inner coaching work under the motto, when there is no enemy within the outside enemy cannot hurt you.They have created a unique three pillar coaching offering focused on healing through self awareness, discovering your light through self care and shining your light through self actualization Loretta and have traveled extensively and have a deep love for humanity for culture and cultural differences.

They enjoy daily partnership as they raise their beautiful for Children in san clemente California.You can find tae Loretta at Loretta and today dot com.And again we will have that on the in the show notes.

But it is Loretta and today dot com.You are going to be so just so amazed by these two and it is my pleasure and my honor to introduce you Loretta and thank you for being here today.Thank you.

Thank you so much for having us julie.I've really had the pleasure of getting to watch both of you evolve and continuing to evolve and really step into and radiate your light.And I love that that that acronym beautiful the radiance as yourself.

And I think before we get into talking about what you're doing now and how you're helping others.It is helpful for those who don't know you to really get a better sense of some of the challenges you have struggled with and overcome and really dealt with those roots that have helped you to plant them and now create this incredibly strong trunk and tree that where you can give and help others.And so um we just love to hear a little bit about your journeys and what helped you to get to where you are now mm hmm.

Well I'll go ahead and start and then um Kay we'll both share Um in essence um are my journey has been about a tug of war between belonging and freedom and uh and dealing with those enemies within um on the outside growing up I had a really solid upbringing.Very,

very strong family loving family.But from a very young age, I check on a lot of shame and I developed some beliefs that um that the only way to love be loved is through achievements and being a good girl.I grew up mormon and the lines between right and wrong were very thickly drawn.

Um and I um and when they were drawn by for me and I didn't always fall on the right side of those lines in what I thought, what I felt what I did.And so I ended up having a lot of secrets and locking those in the vaults and even so far kept a lot of secrets so far down that they even kept them from myself.

And then it created a lot of cognitive dissidents and hollowness inside.Um I lost my true sense itself.Um and in a desperate desire to belong.I sort of lost this, my own sense of freedom and integrity,

integrity was a moving target because I was trying to align with something outside of myself constantly.Um that led to, you know, Me becoming a Chameleon in a lot of ways my family moved.I grew up in California,

but then we moved to Kuwait when I was 14 and and I I ended up really thriving in the Middle East because I assimilated.Um And then I went to africa and I assimilated in africa um When I went to college um colleges where went to Brigham young university um and where I spent a lot of time alone and I had a really hard time assimilating at that point and and I found myself spending a lot of time in nature um and um time with the students for international development club.

But I didn't go on dates, I didn't have friends very many friends.I spent a lot of time during those years alone um And really just poured myself after college poured myself into my work and achievements and um well we you know I'll pause the story there but I dealt with a lot of anxiety and you know we create after we we created created a successful life on the outside for myself um um But you know a lot of overachieving and people pleasing um took on very masculine energy and corporate roles.

Um And and just again was still struggling with a sense of self for years all the way into adulthood but would love to pause and either let you ask any questions or give me a chance to talk about his his rooms.Yeah well I I just,

first of all I mean it just sounds like um there's such self awareness and and it's so interesting kind of like when you see a tapestry right and the front of it is all beautiful, you turn it over and it's like,

oh there's so many knots and it doesn't look the same and it just, it sounds, I'm curious to come back to some of this, but really can it, you said something that really hit me, which is this,

you kept these secrets and mainly from, from yourself, we'll come back to that because I think that is, that is something that I think others definitely can identify with, especially um you know,

around shame and what do we do with that? So, so beautiful.Loretta, I mean, I know you've made such such shifts in your life um tae would love to hear because I know you had a completely, like,

you didn't even, you weren't raised in the States and you can share with us, like what it was like for you growing up.Yeah, well, thank you for sharing love.Um so my story has,

you know, has stated when you were reading our profile, there was coming from humble beginnings, you know, my, I have four siblings and my mom, she couldn't take care of us all by himself because my dad and had um separated.So we lived with our grandmother of which didn't have a stable job because she was taking care of her kids and also taking care of us.

So um, eventually there was a time when, you know, my brother went to be farmed out to my uncle's house and this was an opportunity for, you know, for most of us kids in their family, like my brother is gone and my other brother had left as well and stayed with with relatives.

And then um I chose also to be found out to go live with this one family.And so you know the same, it really takes a village to raise a to raise a child.It's not an understatement in africa.

So um but along came with that came a lot of, I would say negative negatives, you know, things like abused violence.You know, these are the things that witnessed, you know,

violent political violence, um domestic violence.Um and and on top of that apartheid because this is where this is the era that I grew up in.So people were already oppressed by the government um you know, sex segregated because they were solely because the color of their skin and then oppressed by the jobs or the education that they got.

And so the education we had was called Bantu education, which means it's basically skilled trades and stuff like that.We couldn't really get a good job when we graduate from high school and stuff like that.So anyways,

um I've witnessed horrible things as a kid growing up.Um you know, death around me was like walking walking in the park every day, you know, some people get get get killed and you know that it was not, it was not a good place to raise a child um in my time.

Um so moving forward, um you know, I like that expression of the enemy within, if if that enemy within exists inside of us then it is easy for us to falter anyway, so um I grew up with his family that was close,

close close family friends and experienced hardship and abuse um and yet I still knew that there was something, you know, something that was better than what the life that I was living and I, you know,

I was angry to the child, not not too angry, but I was, I was angry at my dad for living, I was angry at the situation that we were in, was it, you know angry that well I chose to be found out, but then it ended up not being such a really good,

there were some good things about it, but there was also some not so good things about it, about being found out, a lot of not so good um as I mentioned abuse and beatings and you know um but I am eventually um moved back At the age of 16, Welcome back to my,

to my family, to live with my my grandma, to my, to my grandma's house again and left that that family, 50 years and years of me living in that family, enduring and enduring years of abuse and um compassion,

oh my gosh, it's like um it's hard to get my head around like I can't even as a young child just thinking as you said, you think of the park right? And kids to the park and they play and you have swings and the fact that you're seeing people die as a, as a that's a common occurrence.

It's like, you know, I can tell you anyone listening and my heart were like that is just, it's awful.And so I can't even imagine as a little person experiencing that.And the one thing that's so,

it's just so amazing to me about you tae is the like inner joy and I really hear that quote that you talked about the enemy within when you when you can kind of like let go of the enemy within because you have so much joy and light within you.How did you go from 16 going back to your family's house,

what you grew up with that? I mean, you know, in in this conversation maybe just highlight like how are you able to make peace or or really be with the with what you saw and and come out this way like with this radiance and joy.Like I know you talked about anger and you talked about,

I can't even imagine fear, I would think and sadness, you know, I think about your the ray right radiant as yourself.Like how did you, because you're so radiant today as yourself, How have you done that?

Well, I'm glad you asked that question, I think that one of the things that kept me going and that helped me have that peace within myself was I held on to the things that I felt that I didn't have, for example,

I did not have a, I grew up without his father present in the home, so I have decided as a 77 or eight years old that I'm not going to become my father.So I held onto the things that,

and I think they're all project, you know, so, so what I didn't have, I held onto and so um, you know, recently you um you had a ted X talk about the power of words, you know,

when we, when we take those words and we apply them to ourselves, I've heard words like, you know, you'll never grow up to be this or you will never amount to become that or things like that.And so I held onto the opposite,

you know, because people discounted us or discounted me growing up, you know? And so I held onto the offer of it and said, you know what, and I'm gonna hold onto this idea of I'm gonna become this instead of become my father or become this instead of that, which was not positive in my life,

and that's why I feel like it was the light that was, that I carried with me within me, you know, I still had beautiful moments as a kid, I still had laughter, you know I still played um and the light,

that little light or that little step of spark, you know something that was in me, that's the thing that kept me going to become the man I am today, that's amazing, I love what you just said about and what I,

what I'm getting and I think this ties in even to what you were saying to Loretta, it's like, hey you just, you chose, you made a decision to no matter what I'm going to be my best self, I'm going to not be my father,

I'm going to be, I mean I kept hearing this empowerment there, like you just made a choice and you kept holding on to those words no matter what you saw, that is so powerful and I can see why who you are now um some people wouldn't come out that way um and just to just to hear you know,

your resolve, like I am choosing to be somebody in the world and and it's not surprising now as a father and with amazing Children and I know a lot of what you're doing is also working coaching men um and other fathers as well.It's so it's just a powerful lesson,

you know, for for people, for all of us, right, we have different struggles, you really that to me is I can't even imagine, I mean that's kind of some of the most challenging things you could, you could deal with on earth.

Yeah, I mean I you know, I think about it and I'm thinking about the loss or the losses I've had along the way and lots of friends who had died at a very young age because they chose a different life, you know,

a life of crime or a life of some of them are in prison, you know, and so and I I shouldn't be here today.You know, that's that's the thought I shouldn't, I shouldn't be here,

I should be either in prison or dead because that's what, that's what this is what was happening around me consistently every day.Yeah.People that I grew up with and so but the choices were the choices that I have made when I was a kid were there and those are the ones that gave me this opportunity to, to stay strong.

It was not easy.Um there was so much hardship.Did you see the beautiful paradox where externally, you know, growing up externally a mess but so beautiful and grounded and present and belonging to himself inside and then for me on the outside having this, you know,

solid safe, peaceful, perfect family.But on the inside feeling hollow and um my mess was inside and and just the we needed each other immediately when we when we met it was like this pole because of this complimentary healing, reciprocal healing and helping each other.

I was just so powerful.You just said Loretta and I was thinking gosh the enemies were different.You had the enemy on the outside in today's world and in your world it was the inside and what I know that you've both really your stand for and what you're doing is like let's have no enemy and and and and and in in the world in the world that we live in as well impression racism, relationships,

connections.Um and just watching the two of you seeing how this has started from within to to you know take it sounds like you just had like you said Loretta this strong resolve there was there wasn't an enemy within it was around perhaps or that that feeling that's necessary enemy but challenge of death and destruction around you and Loretta that that that was going on inside.Yeah and I was gonna say to that point about the words that you you know that Ted x talk you said about words was I did not let those words affect the way I I thought about myself.

Yeah yeah you chose.It's so powerful.You did not let them and and I think the question for all of us everyone listening is what words like what are you letting affect you Loretta to go back to you for a minute because I know you've talked about struggling with the secret and the shame and the and the internal the internal struggle.Um what helped you to start to change and and shift that dynamic and relationship within you.

So for me it finally decided to choose freedom over belonging.Um and I had a big the big breakup, if you will, a big quiet but invisible breakup with all of these pillars of belonging that I that I had created for myself externally.Um as in I left,

the more I separated myself from the mormon church, which I was, you know what, that I belong to.Um I I left my company, my corporate job of 11 years um left um and moved to another home and and only in that departure of of of of sorts, I had gotten to a place where I needed freedom,

right? But when all of that, when I left all of those things, I hit a rock bottom because I found myself at an extreme loss and it was too many departures I think at once um and I experienced and experiencing trauma upon trauma and grief and loss and really then I didn't have any, I still didn't have anything inside and I then I didn't have the external things either,

the support systems externally and and I was I was in a pretty desperate place staying alive really for my husband and my kids when I met you Um it was really this December of 2019 when I we met we met you um at this wonderful, beautiful um read a leadership conference are our friends halal reid and john Berghof are beautiful people,

beautiful souls in this gathering um filled with so many um mentors and just high vibration, high energy people helping us to lead from the inside out and to heal from the inside out and to lead these beautiful radiant lives and you were one of those people that really I could really um mm hmm relate with and empathize with and that I could look to as somebody that I knew could help me on my journey of healing And that's when I discovered that's when I started the healing process 2020 and and really um it was really through going inward and getting still um and being versus doing and really listening to my own authority,

listening to my heart and we learned how to reclaim my authority for myself and really connect with my divine feminine south.Um and and get really connected to mother Earth and um that journey of sacred journey of self love and worthiness is allowed us to then start to see all of this beautiful unfolding and rebuilding our our lives externally, you know,

bling blessed to live, you know, acquire a dream job in a in a dream home and um you know this, you know, discovered that coaching was actually perfect of the perfect thing for for for for our skill sets and in being able to give back and and finding this sense now of belonging and freedom together.Hello,

my dear sacred friend, this is julie.I'm just pausing really quickly because I know if you're here, being your usU is really important to you and I so honor and acknowledge that I'm grateful to be on this journey with you and I just wanted to share if you are feeling called to really help others to do this, to tap into their U.

S.U.To create that kind of powerful life by design, then you might be interested in my life designer coaching certification program.It's a four month virtual live program.I personally have brought in heart and Soul my experience over 10 years of coaching hundreds and hundreds of ambitious executives and entrepreneurs and moms and people like you as well as my master's degree background in coaching,

my teaching at Georgetown University and coaching and I have added in so much around intuition, body wisdom, the healing arts, heart intelligence as well as positive psychology.So if this feels like something that might be for you,

I would love for you to connect with me or to just apply and you can do that now at julie Rissler dot com forward slash certification and I hope to connect with you soon.Lots of love.

So I'm what I'm pausing for is you know, because we've both, we've all done the coaching work together and that whole and statement, you know, being able to hold both and it just sounds so, it's so powerful.

Loretta, you went from choosing belonging over freedom to freedom over belonging to today.What I'm hearing is it's an integrated life, feminine and masculine belonging and freedom, right?

Bringing in your, your gifts together, even the work you're doing.And it's just when you said that, I'm like, wow, what a, you know, there's some people that get to the end of their life and don't ever have that experience.They didn't do the work.

That's part of the reason why I'm so happy to have you both and to, to do this podcast is I don't want anyone to ever get to the end and feel like, oh, shoot,

I missed it.And it's just, that's what I'm hearing with both of you.It's what I love about each of you in your own distinct way is you are just showing up every single moment to moment to be your, your higher self,

your highest self.And just hearing you say that, but you have the belonging and the freedom that is kind of, it's so incredible to have both today.Maybe never thought that was possible before.I don't know.

Yeah, completely.And, and, and I will say that the, um, the, that it's a journey that continues and it's not static and it's something that we're continuing to nourish, um,

and did a lot of work in 2020.Um, but, and on May 25 this year, um I was in a car impact.I was in a car accident wasn't, I don't think it was an accident.I think it was an opportunity for me,

but I would like to receive another in experience something to compel me to do even more deconstruction and reconstruction.Um because that car accident where I was hit, it happened on the anniversary of George Floyd's.

Yes, May 26, was his one year anniversary.And at the time that I was struck by this other vehicle, it was actually um the same day and even hour as when he took his last breath.And it has and it was the night of the lunar eclipse that night.

And there were a number of other synchronicities that it compels me to go even further in asking myself what does belonging really mean? And how do I really received belonging? Um And it's it's been a beautiful healing journey since then the past three months or so of cleansing,

doing some even further cleansing work.That inner cleansing work and reinvigorated my sense of being in that center of victory and surrender in the center of gay and straight, in the center of heart and mind,

in the center of body and soul in the center of body and masculine and feminine in the center of living in death.Like just being in the center, just being in that wholeness belonging and freedom.Um And not just not having to choose,

eliminating the lines, all these lines, right, dividing lines, racial lines, all these lines.And just in the center it's and I got it first evolved my body, I started with my cheeks hurting now my body of chills all over my entire body just hearing.

I remember when you had this car impact, the accident, I did not realize that was on the one year anniversary of George Floyd's death and just like the the power of that and what you're saying about letting these lines kind of disintegrate of where we have the right or the wrong, this,

you know, where we start to get into, you know, pointing fingers or like you said, being in the center of mind and heart, you don't have to choose just your mind.You don't have to choose just your heartbeat into the center of that find that wholeness.

Um and you started to really you just made a comment about belonging and I'm like, oh, I wonder if you could just share a little bit about you said you did some reflection like, what do you think it really does mean this,

this belonging and how can we, you know, how can we or anyone listening? How can we start to really move towards that? It's kind of a big question, but you are up to it my friend because I was just beautiful thoughts and like keep going and try to but I'd love to hear what does that mean to you really, it's a wonderful question.

And it's one that to be quite honest, I'm still exploring and and I'm devouring all things along those lines.You know, reading Burn a browns um um literature around belonging and just trying to really study it.Um because for the longest time I'm like okay I get that that you know,

you know, there's this element of belonging to oneself and you know, being you know, walking yourself home and we you need to have this like sense of home within.Um but then and there's also this human need to belong in relationship to be in relationship with others and be in connection with other human beings and through the work of dr danni friedland.

Um and others I know that we need this, we need to be able to give and receive with others.And our brains are wired biologically for that, and I was still feeling a great sense of exclusion.Um and like loneliness,

like okay yeah the self floods there, but I need I need, can I still need connection with others? How do I how do I find that? And how do I um how do I maintain my own sense of belonging? And what I think what I think it really comes down to is the cross road belonging is about the crossroad of assimilation and uniqueness and this is what I'm learning a lot from what I'm doing in my corporate job.

So I had that talent development and diversity inclusion efforts in my organization.And so a lot of the literature around, you know, in the inclusion where talks about this crosswords and I think it's really true that when we can be assimilated meaning to the extent that we feel like we're part of the team um and we you know, we have shared a shared sense of purpose with with with others and we are to the extent that our uniqueness is celebrated and a part of that team that's where true belonging is found being completely,

truly uniquely you and and being a finding others that you can share common purpose values um you know, connection with in community with and and and you know in that community that their sense of stewardship and um and shared sense of a shared story.A shared purpose.

Um and so what I'm really focusing on now is my uniqueness rebuilding really who am I? And bringing my uniqueness forward in those communities and whoever I show up with remaining became my head, you know,

where my hair curly to do me wear the clothes, you know, I don't have to put on the corporate suits straighten the hair have the you know, the look that would be assimilating but I can be me and then I can share with with my organization and shared values during purpose.Mm hmm I got that um the curly hair girl got you there.

I was like, nope not straighten it.Um tae you were gonna say.And I also would love to hear in a moment how you guys Because I think a lot of what you're doing in your coaching work is also bringing in this belonging and this this incredible connecting.But hey,

you're going to say I love to hear your thoughts about belonging for me.I think that you know, it's more like either a child, you know, for me because you know what Children need is we need to get out there and we need to tell them what to do.We need to we need to,

you know, keep them away from danger and all that kind of stuff that we do for for our Children.And so sometimes I felt like that I felt like those blinders that we that I grew up with.We're the ones that are with them not letting me belong.

Is he giving my power and to somebody else to some you know, somebody else tell me what to do when to do it, how to do it.And so I wasn't really belonging because they didn't have control.I didn't have I was not in charge of myself.

You know? And so um but taking away those blinders when I really rediscovered who I was and actually gave myself permission to belong to myself.I started realizing what was going on around me.I started opening up my eyes of what was really who I who I was,

who I really was and also what my papers was as well.And and that is such a gift to to understand when we when we start to understand who we are, take off the blindness, stop pleasing people who we really are coming back to ourselves and coming home to ourselves.

When you knock on that door, you can actually open it and see yourself for who you are.And that's what happened to me.And when I when I say I love something and I'm gonna do something, I love something and I will do that thing because I understand who I am and um you know Loretta always tells me man you always live in the present.

Why would you do that? It's because of where I came from those roots that we talked about earlier, where the poverty was prevalent and so everything was survival mode for me.So I just lived in the present because tomorrow may not come and rightly so we don't even we're not even guaranteed tomorrow,

you know.So I lived in the presence, I lived in the moment.I lived in that moment where I had this thing right now and I'm gonna be present and enjoy it right now.And so when when you talk about belonging then that's that's the essence of it for me is to take away the blinders and rediscover who I was and really live in the present,

that was so exquisite.I I wrote this down this quote, like stood out to me, it's really giving, you talked about belonging, is also giving permission to belong to yourself.And then that was like,

that is we gotta make a big quote card on that one.Um but giving your, you know, self the permission and then taking those blinders off, and I was remembering au the coaching group you were in.I just remember when you speak,

everyone was like leaning in like, hey speaking, like there's like, wisdom is coming out of you and of course with you too, Loretta, I'm just remembering and your cohort, I'm like,

oh my God, everyone would like lean in and be like, just every, you know, you have a lot of wisdom, so that uh reminds me of the pearl, you know, when you have so much grit, you have a beautiful pearl that comes out of it.

And anyhow, I appreciate what you just said so much.And it helped me as well.Just think about, yeah, you know, it's, it's so true about taking the blinders off giving yourself permission and then staying in now, because that's what we have before we wrap,

I do want to talk about this beautiful work you're doing and the radiating as yourself and the the coaching work and the way that you're serving um and kind of your, your y and your vision because I think it's I think it's beautiful.

Um so however you would like to share about, I just want to give you a moment because it's it's so heartfelt to me, oh, the beautiful part about this whole thing and coming together and doing the coaching together that we complement like florida had said each other.And so um and we have come up with this model that be um we love so much and it's it's uh you know,

it's the arrangement as yourself um and the accounting for that would be the shield um has sending stands for stillness.You know, we this is this is the call of what we, we wanna um envelope and really give a gift to the people that we coach.

Um and so um so stillness in terms of meditation and really getting to know and be grounded in who we are just sitting there in that in that moment and really listening in from the universe to to to ourselves giving ourselves that gift to listen and be in tune with that and then um and then Loretta touch based on healing, which would be the age and this is the work.

You know, this is what I call the work because each one of us have to do that and with our coaching practice when we do the healing process, it's it's something that is so personal and very sacred, but yet also um it has so much value and worth and so um this is,

this is the moment where people, we become to redefine ourselves and really rediscover who we are and then intuition um you know one of the best things that we can have ever have in our lives is to be in tune and have that intuition with marshall's great swallowed like Einstein understood intuition and he, you know he has so many quotes about intuition and um he was,

he was a brilliant man and yet intuition was out of his flower um and then the e would stand for elevate when we um when we, when we get to the elevation part we really discover, we're discovering when we're discovering new things.

This is what happened to me, you know laurel had talked about going to to meet you for the first time and all these other beautiful souls that we met in san Diego.We had,

I had awaken that weekend when that I think that this is the weekend I think I woke, I woke up from whatever sleep, the deep sleep that I had and so I started rediscovering and learning and growing and um there was the light that light that we talked about at the end of the tunnel for me, I was like I need to get to that light because I'm rediscovering new things and this is what what happens when we coach people and they get to the point where they can also see that light as they wait.

I want that, I want to rediscover who I am, take off the blindness, let me just be.And then Love would be the next um um letter on the acronym shield, um basically embracing embracing all about you,

embracing everything about you.And then we talk about those self positives and then the self negatives, you know, self care, self love, self awareness, self actualization and departing away from those self doubt and you know,

all the self negatives that we may have in our in our minds.And so when we really truly embrace and love ourselves to that point where we understand what love is for ourselves because it's easy to love others, but we don't love ourselves.

It's hard to show to show that.So um and then finally the D for the acronym would be delight.And that's when we you know when when when we come out on top we're at the top of the mountain and we can see that sunset, we can see those clouds,

we can see the beauty, you know the colors of the sky, the oranges and the and the and the purples and all that.We are actually actualized.We are up there on top of the mountain and we have done it and this is self actualization when we when we get to that point and we feel please please with ourselves who we are, please,

that we can show up as we are to others.We don't have to put on the masks, we don't have to put on anything which is b be us, we just flow, just just we'll just be and so this is that this is the beauty about, about this um are coaching,

you know, practice with, with shining our light, discovering our lives and also healing, you know, and so, um, and we have, we have lived this and now we're trying to share it with all the with with others on how they can actually do this as well, wow,

I love this shield and I just had this image of for those who know, like the Maslow's hierarchy of needs and you, you know, it's, it's interesting cause even in your journeys, while one seemed inverted when x like yours was,

you know, hey, you had the, the needs for, I mean, for a long time, it was like you were the basic, the basic needs, um, Loretta, your needs were met, but it was like the one or two rungs up on that pyramid and you both have,

like, I just saw it as like a mountain, you know, the pyramid and together in your own journey, you've, you've gone through those different levels to get to the self realization and self actualization and I think, and I know people that are,

you know, our listeners are human beings that, you know, I always say, we're still family.I know you, I know you're listening because I know I hear from you, you want to make a difference in the world.

And so what you're talking about is just this is so beautiful and so powerful and I keep seeing that image that you were saying Loretta of meeting in the center the wholeness right of the feminine and masculine taking.You know you were you were talking earlier about these different energies and you not being stuck in one or the other.

You can have belonging and freedom finding that and and you know it sounds like what you're doing with your coaching and this work and because you've lived it is really helping others to achieve to to align with that and to be that and to have that experience So wonderful because that it is it's that hierarchy and that self actualization in order to live your purpose and live a life of significance and live B2-2 really delight yourself and others.

You have to do the work.You can't stick the foundation.You've you've got to go through that healing and discover self discovery and then figure out the how right shining your light and once you know what it is, what is your purpose get really clear on your purpose.

Then we help take people through how to manifest that and it's awesome because we combine the masculine and the feminine energies if you will we combine both.You know the feminine,

you know intuition and um emotional um, aspects and using the laws of nature, the law of attraction and things like that.But then we also use the masculine action oriented, the business management skills that we have and using design thinking and you know,

even my project management skills to help people lay out a plan and you know, hold themselves accountable and they want to establish success metrics and you know, we can bring all that in.

We can combine the masculine and the feminine in, in, in in the hallway.That is the best serves that person.And it's wherever they are on their journey and it's not linear.So it's it's it's meeting people wherever they are on their journey.

And just like we just love love coaching because it's such a intimate um and powerful process Two to be able to just show up and you know, with with him as a, as a loving presence with a mirror and asking powerful questions to help people realize their own answers and and and help them go through that process of self discovery.

Amazing.And what I love is you've done that work and you are doing the work.It's not a, as you said, it's not linear and it doesn't end.It's a, it's a journey.Um well,

I just, oh gosh, I mean, so I'm just gonna say everyone listening, these are like, I just adore you both so much and knowing some of your story.I'm like I'm just so honored for you to share who you are.Clearly There's so much more obviously to go into here.

But to just touch upon both of you the work that you've done.The listening, the honoring of your intuition of your heart of really what moves you and then stepping forward and have encouraged and then finding that Holness really is the two of you.And I'll say um to everyone To my beautiful soul.

Family listening.Like I was so enamored with their energy.I literally like stumbled in the first time I recorded I was like, I can't even speak.There's just so much good you do here.There's so much good good vibes here.

And I we had to do it again.I'm like, what is happening? I mean, you both just radiate yourselves your beauty or that oneness.Um before we end, you both are familiar with my heart flare terms.I just want to check in is there any heart flare?

Anything that maybe I didn't ask you or just even that's just coming up for you that you feel like you know, I feel like our beautiful community of listeners would really benefit from hearing.So I'll just give you each a chance if you'd like to share peace.

Yeah, breathing in ocean and energy And but peace.Sick lives within you and not in nature offers an infinite flow of And just I don't know An invitation to mm hmm breathe it in, breathe in the piece that is around us and in us.

Um I want to give that invitation to just take to just take in some deep cleansing pete breasts and invite welcome that peace.Inner peace um mm hmm Beautiful.I like that.

And also I want to add I want to add to that.I want to add what I've been thinking about is kindness.Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm witnesses.Um you know you've been wearing a lot of big kind you know kind and I love I love those.I love those shirts because they speak you know you may not realize when you read the words they really speak to people and they speak to me and so kindness is a is an eternal law.

Mhm So when we when we exercise kindness it actually opens up something in us um that we have so many doors that we you know inside of ourselves and one of the doors that I feel like kinda does for me helps me and this helps me be patient.Mhm And the world is such a busy place where now there's so much going on we are always on the go um if we can take an opportunity to be aware of what's going on around us with a little bit more kindness something will change a little bit more and has spent years and it's still every every day trying to counterbalance my on our anxiety i with feelings of peace.

I love that you said that because I think kindness um and and kindness towards ourselves is sort of the the anecdote in the invitation that invites that piece some.And I think if you can wear it,

you can become it.Mm hmm.You can say it or wear it, you can become it.Oh my gosh! Beautiful, Beautiful heart flares like peace and kindness.I can't think of something more important than what I know.I am imagining anyone listening to is going to resonate with and need more of right?

Just being that being that that piece being that kindness to yourself and to others.So beautiful! Oh my Gosh Loretta and thank you so much for coming on today for sharing your gracing us with your wisdom, your stories of just what you've been through and finding that end of the belonging and the wholeness and holding that space for others to do that and through your coaching,

work through your light through your being and just through your hearts.I'm so honored and grateful And I just love you both.Thank you for being here today.Thank you so much.

We love you my friend.I am so grateful that you are a part of this powerful community.I thank you for listening to this episode and I hope it inspires you to remember who you really are and who you chose to be in this lifetime.I created this podcast from my own heart's desire to amplify the vibration of compassion,

kindness, abundance, heart, magic and so much more, both within you and the collective.I'm honored to be your host, your friend and your companion on this life journey and I love feedback.Let me know what you loved.

What would you love more of or what would you love to see covered on the show.And if you feel moved, please subscribe, rate and review the USU podcast so that we can continue to shift the way humanity operates and shape this gorgeous collective community with the deepest love, admiration and respect for your USU.

Until next time.Yeah.

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Welcome my friend to the Us to podcast.
I'm julie wrestler and I am so honored to have you here in this show and community.
You'll find huge hearted overachievers who want to turn on their inner light to learn to trust their heart wisdom and help raise the consciousness of this planet just like you,
whether I'm sharing a conversation with a fellow light worker luminary or a solo cast about navigating life as an empath,
my goal is the same to help you turn your fear into faith,
to remember that you are sacred to realign with your highest potential to be fully self expressed as your UIs tieu.
Are you ready to join me on this journey?
It's time to listen to your inner guidance and follow your soul's purpose.
Never forget the chances of being born were one in 14 trillion.
In other words,
you are pure positive,
divine light born to shine,
to live from your heart and to be your fullest Usu Welcome Welcome!
Welcome us to listener.
I am so grateful you're here and I want to say that you are in for such a treat today.
I was noting we got to chat beforehand.
I have two incredible guests,
a beautiful dynamic power couple and um I always notice when my cheeks start to hurt.
It means that I am smiling so much and I just feel so grateful that you're going to get to experience their late and their wisdom and their brilliance today.
So let me introduce you to our amazing couple Loretta and to monitoring over the past three years,
Loretta and Tae have both traversed an intense transformative self love and belonging journey,
resulting in a desire to now help walk others home to their radiant cells and to shine their light.
Having both received life designer certifications,
they are co founding together a life coaching practice.
Light Your Ray and Ray,
I love this,
stands for radiant as yourself.
They're focusing on serving ambitious individuals to overcome fears and limiting belief patterns to unlock their purpose and unique,
limitless potential in their life careers.
A big part of Loretta's self love journey was around shedding her guilt and shame around her bisexuality and feelings of unworthiness tied up in her faith tradition as she was raised in today's journey began in humble roots in South Africa during apartheid and the Revolution for Equality amongst black South Africans.
He at times lost trust in people and in hope of a better world.
He suffered from feelings of inadequacy that came from living in poverty and oppression.
They're both deeply committed two and passionate about creating environments of love and belonging,
healing from the wounds of rejection,
racism and systemic oppression through deep inner coaching work under the motto,
when there is no enemy within the outside enemy cannot hurt you.
They have created a unique three pillar coaching offering focused on healing through self awareness,
discovering your light through self care and shining your light through self actualization Loretta and have traveled extensively and have a deep love for humanity for culture and cultural differences.
They enjoy daily partnership as they raise their beautiful for Children in san clemente California.
You can find tae Loretta at Loretta and today dot com.
And again we will have that on the in the show notes.
But it is Loretta and today dot com.
You are going to be so just so amazed by these two and it is my pleasure and my honor to introduce you Loretta and thank you for being here today.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for having us julie.
I've really had the pleasure of getting to watch both of you evolve and continuing to evolve and really step into and radiate your light.
And I love that that that acronym beautiful the radiance as yourself.
And I think before we get into talking about what you're doing now and how you're helping others.
It is helpful for those who don't know you to really get a better sense of some of the challenges you have struggled with and overcome and really dealt with those roots that have helped you to plant them and now create this incredibly strong trunk and tree that where you can give and help others.
And so um we just love to hear a little bit about your journeys and what helped you to get to where you are now mm hmm.
Well I'll go ahead and start and then um Kay we'll both share Um in essence um are my journey has been about a tug of war between belonging and freedom and uh and dealing with those enemies within um on the outside growing up I had a really solid upbringing.
Very,
very strong family loving family.
But from a very young age,
I check on a lot of shame and I developed some beliefs that um that the only way to love be loved is through achievements and being a good girl.
I grew up mormon and the lines between right and wrong were very thickly drawn.
Um and I um and when they were drawn by for me and I didn't always fall on the right side of those lines in what I thought,
what I felt what I did.
And so I ended up having a lot of secrets and locking those in the vaults and even so far kept a lot of secrets so far down that they even kept them from myself.
And then it created a lot of cognitive dissidents and hollowness inside.
Um I lost my true sense itself.
Um and in a desperate desire to belong.
I sort of lost this,
my own sense of freedom and integrity,
integrity was a moving target because I was trying to align with something outside of myself constantly.
Um that led to,
you know,
Me becoming a Chameleon in a lot of ways my family moved.
I grew up in California,
but then we moved to Kuwait when I was 14 and and I I ended up really thriving in the Middle East because I assimilated.
Um And then I went to africa and I assimilated in africa um When I went to college um colleges where went to Brigham young university um and where I spent a lot of time alone and I had a really hard time assimilating at that point and and I found myself spending a lot of time in nature um and um time with the students for international development club.
But I didn't go on dates,
I didn't have friends very many friends.
I spent a lot of time during those years alone um And really just poured myself after college poured myself into my work and achievements and um well we you know I'll pause the story there but I dealt with a lot of anxiety and you know we create after we we created created a successful life on the outside for myself um um But you know a lot of overachieving and people pleasing um took on very masculine energy and corporate roles.
Um And and just again was still struggling with a sense of self for years all the way into adulthood but would love to pause and either let you ask any questions or give me a chance to talk about his his rooms.
Yeah well I I just,
first of all I mean it just sounds like um there's such self awareness and and it's so interesting kind of like when you see a tapestry right and the front of it is all beautiful,
you turn it over and it's like,
oh there's so many knots and it doesn't look the same and it just,
it sounds,
I'm curious to come back to some of this,
but really can it,
you said something that really hit me,
which is this,
you kept these secrets and mainly from,
from yourself,
we'll come back to that because I think that is,
that is something that I think others definitely can identify with,
especially um you know,
around shame and what do we do with that?
So,
so beautiful.
Loretta,
I mean,
I know you've made such such shifts in your life um tae would love to hear because I know you had a completely,
like,
you didn't even,
you weren't raised in the States and you can share with us,
like what it was like for you growing up.
Yeah,
well,
thank you for sharing love.
Um so my story has,
you know,
has stated when you were reading our profile,
there was coming from humble beginnings,
you know,
my,
I have four siblings and my mom,
she couldn't take care of us all by himself because my dad and had um separated.
So we lived with our grandmother of which didn't have a stable job because she was taking care of her kids and also taking care of us.
So um,
eventually there was a time when,
you know,
my brother went to be farmed out to my uncle's house and this was an opportunity for,
you know,
for most of us kids in their family,
like my brother is gone and my other brother had left as well and stayed with with relatives.
And then um I chose also to be found out to go live with this one family.
And so you know the same,
it really takes a village to raise a to raise a child.
It's not an understatement in africa.
So um but along came with that came a lot of,
I would say negative negatives,
you know,
things like abused violence.
You know,
these are the things that witnessed,
you know,
violent political violence,
um domestic violence.
Um and and on top of that apartheid because this is where this is the era that I grew up in.
So people were already oppressed by the government um you know,
sex segregated because they were solely because the color of their skin and then oppressed by the jobs or the education that they got.
And so the education we had was called Bantu education,
which means it's basically skilled trades and stuff like that.
We couldn't really get a good job when we graduate from high school and stuff like that.
So anyways,
um I've witnessed horrible things as a kid growing up.
Um you know,
death around me was like walking walking in the park every day,
you know,
some people get get get killed and you know that it was not,
it was not a good place to raise a child um in my time.
Um so moving forward,
um you know,
I like that expression of the enemy within,
if if that enemy within exists inside of us then it is easy for us to falter anyway,
so um I grew up with his family that was close,
close close family friends and experienced hardship and abuse um and yet I still knew that there was something,
you know,
something that was better than what the life that I was living and I,
you know,
I was angry to the child,
not not too angry,
but I was,
I was angry at my dad for living,
I was angry at the situation that we were in,
was it,
you know angry that well I chose to be found out,
but then it ended up not being such a really good,
there were some good things about it,
but there was also some not so good things about it,
about being found out,
a lot of not so good um as I mentioned abuse and beatings and you know um but I am eventually um moved back At the age of 16,
Welcome back to my,
to my family,
to live with my my grandma,
to my,
to my grandma's house again and left that that family,
50 years and years of me living in that family,
enduring and enduring years of abuse and um compassion,
oh my gosh,
it's like um it's hard to get my head around like I can't even as a young child just thinking as you said,
you think of the park right?
And kids to the park and they play and you have swings and the fact that you're seeing people die as a,
as a that's a common occurrence.
It's like,
you know,
I can tell you anyone listening and my heart were like that is just,
it's awful.
And so I can't even imagine as a little person experiencing that.
And the one thing that's so,
it's just so amazing to me about you tae is the like inner joy and I really hear that quote that you talked about the enemy within when you when you can kind of like let go of the enemy within because you have so much joy and light within you.
How did you go from 16 going back to your family's house,
what you grew up with that?
I mean,
you know,
in in this conversation maybe just highlight like how are you able to make peace or or really be with the with what you saw and and come out this way like with this radiance and joy.
Like I know you talked about anger and you talked about,
I can't even imagine fear,
I would think and sadness,
you know,
I think about your the ray right radiant as yourself.
Like how did you,
because you're so radiant today as yourself,
How have you done that?
Well,
I'm glad you asked that question,
I think that one of the things that kept me going and that helped me have that peace within myself was I held on to the things that I felt that I didn't have,
for example,
I did not have a,
I grew up without his father present in the home,
so I have decided as a 77 or eight years old that I'm not going to become my father.
So I held onto the things that,
and I think they're all project,
you know,
so,
so what I didn't have,
I held onto and so um,
you know,
recently you um you had a ted X talk about the power of words,
you know,
when we,
when we take those words and we apply them to ourselves,
I've heard words like,
you know,
you'll never grow up to be this or you will never amount to become that or things like that.
And so I held onto the opposite,
you know,
because people discounted us or discounted me growing up,
you know?
And so I held onto the offer of it and said,
you know what,
and I'm gonna hold onto this idea of I'm gonna become this instead of become my father or become this instead of that,
which was not positive in my life,
and that's why I feel like it was the light that was,
that I carried with me within me,
you know,
I still had beautiful moments as a kid,
I still had laughter,
you know I still played um and the light,
that little light or that little step of spark,
you know something that was in me,
that's the thing that kept me going to become the man I am today,
that's amazing,
I love what you just said about and what I,
what I'm getting and I think this ties in even to what you were saying to Loretta,
it's like,
hey you just,
you chose,
you made a decision to no matter what I'm going to be my best self,
I'm going to not be my father,
I'm going to be,
I mean I kept hearing this empowerment there,
like you just made a choice and you kept holding on to those words no matter what you saw,
that is so powerful and I can see why who you are now um some people wouldn't come out that way um and just to just to hear you know,
your resolve,
like I am choosing to be somebody in the world and and it's not surprising now as a father and with amazing Children and I know a lot of what you're doing is also working coaching men um and other fathers as well.
It's so it's just a powerful lesson,
you know,
for for people,
for all of us,
right,
we have different struggles,
you really that to me is I can't even imagine,
I mean that's kind of some of the most challenging things you could,
you could deal with on earth.
Yeah,
I mean I you know,
I think about it and I'm thinking about the loss or the losses I've had along the way and lots of friends who had died at a very young age because they chose a different life,
you know,
a life of crime or a life of some of them are in prison,
you know,
and so and I I shouldn't be here today.
You know,
that's that's the thought I shouldn't,
I shouldn't be here,
I should be either in prison or dead because that's what,
that's what this is what was happening around me consistently every day.
Yeah.
People that I grew up with and so but the choices were the choices that I have made when I was a kid were there and those are the ones that gave me this opportunity to,
to stay strong.
It was not easy.
Um there was so much hardship.
Did you see the beautiful paradox where externally,
you know,
growing up externally a mess but so beautiful and grounded and present and belonging to himself inside and then for me on the outside having this,
you know,
solid safe,
peaceful,
perfect family.
But on the inside feeling hollow and um my mess was inside and and just the we needed each other immediately when we when we met it was like this pole because of this complimentary healing,
reciprocal healing and helping each other.
I was just so powerful.
You just said Loretta and I was thinking gosh the enemies were different.
You had the enemy on the outside in today's world and in your world it was the inside and what I know that you've both really your stand for and what you're doing is like let's have no enemy and and and and and in in the world in the world that we live in as well impression racism,
relationships,
connections.
Um and just watching the two of you seeing how this has started from within to to you know take it sounds like you just had like you said Loretta this strong resolve there was there wasn't an enemy within it was around perhaps or that that feeling that's necessary enemy but challenge of death and destruction around you and Loretta that that that was going on inside.
Yeah and I was gonna say to that point about the words that you you know that Ted x talk you said about words was I did not let those words affect the way I I thought about myself.
Yeah yeah you chose.
It's so powerful.
You did not let them and and I think the question for all of us everyone listening is what words like what are you letting affect you Loretta to go back to you for a minute because I know you've talked about struggling with the secret and the shame and the and the internal the internal struggle.
Um what helped you to start to change and and shift that dynamic and relationship within you.
So for me it finally decided to choose freedom over belonging.
Um and I had a big the big breakup,
if you will,
a big quiet but invisible breakup with all of these pillars of belonging that I that I had created for myself externally.
Um as in I left,
the more I separated myself from the mormon church,
which I was,
you know what,
that I belong to.
Um I I left my company,
my corporate job of 11 years um left um and moved to another home and and only in that departure of of of of sorts,
I had gotten to a place where I needed freedom,
right?
But when all of that,
when I left all of those things,
I hit a rock bottom because I found myself at an extreme loss and it was too many departures I think at once um and I experienced and experiencing trauma upon trauma and grief and loss and really then I didn't have any,
I still didn't have anything inside and I then I didn't have the external things either,
the support systems externally and and I was I was in a pretty desperate place staying alive really for my husband and my kids when I met you Um it was really this December of 2019 when I we met we met you um at this wonderful,
beautiful um read a leadership conference are our friends halal reid and john Berghof are beautiful people,
beautiful souls in this gathering um filled with so many um mentors and just high vibration,
high energy people helping us to lead from the inside out and to heal from the inside out and to lead these beautiful radiant lives and you were one of those people that really I could really um mm hmm relate with and empathize with and that I could look to as somebody that I knew could help me on my journey of healing And that's when I discovered that's when I started the healing process 2020 and and really um it was really through going inward and getting still um and being versus doing and really listening to my own authority,
listening to my heart and we learned how to reclaim my authority for myself and really connect with my divine feminine south.
Um and and get really connected to mother Earth and um that journey of sacred journey of self love and worthiness is allowed us to then start to see all of this beautiful unfolding and rebuilding our our lives externally,
you know,
bling blessed to live,
you know,
acquire a dream job in a in a dream home and um you know this,
you know,
discovered that coaching was actually perfect of the perfect thing for for for for our skill sets and in being able to give back and and finding this sense now of belonging and freedom together.
Hello,
my dear sacred friend,
this is julie.
I'm just pausing really quickly because I know if you're here,
being your usU is really important to you and I so honor and acknowledge that I'm grateful to be on this journey with you and I just wanted to share if you are feeling called to really help others to do this,
to tap into their U.
S.
U.
To create that kind of powerful life by design,
then you might be interested in my life designer coaching certification program.
It's a four month virtual live program.
I personally have brought in heart and Soul my experience over 10 years of coaching hundreds and hundreds of ambitious executives and entrepreneurs and moms and people like you as well as my master's degree background in coaching,
my teaching at Georgetown University and coaching and I have added in so much around intuition,
body wisdom,
the healing arts,
heart intelligence as well as positive psychology.
So if this feels like something that might be for you,
I would love for you to connect with me or to just apply and you can do that now at julie Rissler dot com forward slash certification and I hope to connect with you soon.
Lots of love.
So I'm what I'm pausing for is you know,
because we've both,
we've all done the coaching work together and that whole and statement,
you know,
being able to hold both and it just sounds so,
it's so powerful.
Loretta,
you went from choosing belonging over freedom to freedom over belonging to today.
What I'm hearing is it's an integrated life,
feminine and masculine belonging and freedom,
right?
Bringing in your,
your gifts together,
even the work you're doing.
And it's just when you said that,
I'm like,
wow,
what a,
you know,
there's some people that get to the end of their life and don't ever have that experience.
They didn't do the work.
That's part of the reason why I'm so happy to have you both and to,
to do this podcast is I don't want anyone to ever get to the end and feel like,
oh,
shoot,
I missed it.
And it's just,
that's what I'm hearing with both of you.
It's what I love about each of you in your own distinct way is you are just showing up every single moment to moment to be your,
your higher self,
your highest self.
And just hearing you say that,
but you have the belonging and the freedom that is kind of,
it's so incredible to have both today.
Maybe never thought that was possible before.
I don't know.
Yeah,
completely.
And,
and,
and I will say that the,
um,
the,
that it's a journey that continues and it's not static and it's something that we're continuing to nourish,
um,
and did a lot of work in 2020.
Um,
but,
and on May 25 this year,
um I was in a car impact.
I was in a car accident wasn't,
I don't think it was an accident.
I think it was an opportunity for me,
but I would like to receive another in experience something to compel me to do even more deconstruction and reconstruction.
Um because that car accident where I was hit,
it happened on the anniversary of George Floyd's.
Yes,
May 26,
was his one year anniversary.
And at the time that I was struck by this other vehicle,
it was actually um the same day and even hour as when he took his last breath.
And it has and it was the night of the lunar eclipse that night.
And there were a number of other synchronicities that it compels me to go even further in asking myself what does belonging really mean?
And how do I really received belonging?
Um And it's it's been a beautiful healing journey since then the past three months or so of cleansing,
doing some even further cleansing work.
That inner cleansing work and reinvigorated my sense of being in that center of victory and surrender in the center of gay and straight,
in the center of heart and mind,
in the center of body and soul in the center of body and masculine and feminine in the center of living in death.
Like just being in the center,
just being in that wholeness belonging and freedom.
Um And not just not having to choose,
eliminating the lines,
all these lines,
right,
dividing lines,
racial lines,
all these lines.
And just in the center it's and I got it first evolved my body,
I started with my cheeks hurting now my body of chills all over my entire body just hearing.
I remember when you had this car impact,
the accident,
I did not realize that was on the one year anniversary of George Floyd's death and just like the the power of that and what you're saying about letting these lines kind of disintegrate of where we have the right or the wrong,
this,
you know,
where we start to get into,
you know,
pointing fingers or like you said,
being in the center of mind and heart,
you don't have to choose just your mind.
You don't have to choose just your heartbeat into the center of that find that wholeness.
Um and you started to really you just made a comment about belonging and I'm like,
oh,
I wonder if you could just share a little bit about you said you did some reflection like,
what do you think it really does mean this,
this belonging and how can we,
you know,
how can we or anyone listening?
How can we start to really move towards that?
It's kind of a big question,
but you are up to it my friend because I was just beautiful thoughts and like keep going and try to but I'd love to hear what does that mean to you really,
it's a wonderful question.
And it's one that to be quite honest,
I'm still exploring and and I'm devouring all things along those lines.
You know,
reading Burn a browns um um literature around belonging and just trying to really study it.
Um because for the longest time I'm like okay I get that that you know,
you know,
there's this element of belonging to oneself and you know,
being you know,
walking yourself home and we you need to have this like sense of home within.
Um but then and there's also this human need to belong in relationship to be in relationship with others and be in connection with other human beings and through the work of dr danni friedland.
Um and others I know that we need this,
we need to be able to give and receive with others.
And our brains are wired biologically for that,
and I was still feeling a great sense of exclusion.
Um and like loneliness,
like okay yeah the self floods there,
but I need I need,
can I still need connection with others?
How do I how do I find that?
And how do I um how do I maintain my own sense of belonging?
And what I think what I think it really comes down to is the cross road belonging is about the crossroad of assimilation and uniqueness and this is what I'm learning a lot from what I'm doing in my corporate job.
So I had that talent development and diversity inclusion efforts in my organization.
And so a lot of the literature around,
you know,
in the inclusion where talks about this crosswords and I think it's really true that when we can be assimilated meaning to the extent that we feel like we're part of the team um and we you know,
we have shared a shared sense of purpose with with with others and we are to the extent that our uniqueness is celebrated and a part of that team that's where true belonging is found being completely,
truly uniquely you and and being a finding others that you can share common purpose values um you know,
connection with in community with and and and you know in that community that their sense of stewardship and um and shared sense of a shared story.
A shared purpose.
Um and so what I'm really focusing on now is my uniqueness rebuilding really who am I?
And bringing my uniqueness forward in those communities and whoever I show up with remaining became my head,
you know,
where my hair curly to do me wear the clothes,
you know,
I don't have to put on the corporate suits straighten the hair have the you know,
the look that would be assimilating but I can be me and then I can share with with my organization and shared values during purpose.
Mm hmm I got that um the curly hair girl got you there.
I was like,
nope not straighten it.
Um tae you were gonna say.
And I also would love to hear in a moment how you guys Because I think a lot of what you're doing in your coaching work is also bringing in this belonging and this this incredible connecting.
But hey,
you're going to say I love to hear your thoughts about belonging for me.
I think that you know,
it's more like either a child,
you know,
for me because you know what Children need is we need to get out there and we need to tell them what to do.
We need to we need to,
you know,
keep them away from danger and all that kind of stuff that we do for for our Children.
And so sometimes I felt like that I felt like those blinders that we that I grew up with.
We're the ones that are with them not letting me belong.
Is he giving my power and to somebody else to some you know,
somebody else tell me what to do when to do it,
how to do it.
And so I wasn't really belonging because they didn't have control.
I didn't have I was not in charge of myself.
You know?
And so um but taking away those blinders when I really rediscovered who I was and actually gave myself permission to belong to myself.
I started realizing what was going on around me.
I started opening up my eyes of what was really who I who I was,
who I really was and also what my papers was as well.
And and that is such a gift to to understand when we when we start to understand who we are,
take off the blindness,
stop pleasing people who we really are coming back to ourselves and coming home to ourselves.
When you knock on that door,
you can actually open it and see yourself for who you are.
And that's what happened to me.
And when I when I say I love something and I'm gonna do something,
I love something and I will do that thing because I understand who I am and um you know Loretta always tells me man you always live in the present.
Why would you do that?
It's because of where I came from those roots that we talked about earlier,
where the poverty was prevalent and so everything was survival mode for me.
So I just lived in the present because tomorrow may not come and rightly so we don't even we're not even guaranteed tomorrow,
you know.
So I lived in the presence,
I lived in the moment.
I lived in that moment where I had this thing right now and I'm gonna be present and enjoy it right now.
And so when when you talk about belonging then that's that's the essence of it for me is to take away the blinders and rediscover who I was and really live in the present,
that was so exquisite.
I I wrote this down this quote,
like stood out to me,
it's really giving,
you talked about belonging,
is also giving permission to belong to yourself.
And then that was like,
that is we gotta make a big quote card on that one.
Um but giving your,
you know,
self the permission and then taking those blinders off,
and I was remembering au the coaching group you were in.
I just remember when you speak,
everyone was like leaning in like,
hey speaking,
like there's like,
wisdom is coming out of you and of course with you too,
Loretta,
I'm just remembering and your cohort,
I'm like,
oh my God,
everyone would like lean in and be like,
just every,
you know,
you have a lot of wisdom,
so that uh reminds me of the pearl,
you know,
when you have so much grit,
you have a beautiful pearl that comes out of it.
And anyhow,
I appreciate what you just said so much.
And it helped me as well.
Just think about,
yeah,
you know,
it's,
it's so true about taking the blinders off giving yourself permission and then staying in now,
because that's what we have before we wrap,
I do want to talk about this beautiful work you're doing and the radiating as yourself and the the coaching work and the way that you're serving um and kind of your,
your y and your vision because I think it's I think it's beautiful.
Um so however you would like to share about,
I just want to give you a moment because it's it's so heartfelt to me,
oh,
the beautiful part about this whole thing and coming together and doing the coaching together that we complement like florida had said each other.
And so um and we have come up with this model that be um we love so much and it's it's uh you know,
it's the arrangement as yourself um and the accounting for that would be the shield um has sending stands for stillness.
You know,
we this is this is the call of what we,
we wanna um envelope and really give a gift to the people that we coach.
Um and so um so stillness in terms of meditation and really getting to know and be grounded in who we are just sitting there in that in that moment and really listening in from the universe to to to ourselves giving ourselves that gift to listen and be in tune with that and then um and then Loretta touch based on healing,
which would be the age and this is the work.
You know,
this is what I call the work because each one of us have to do that and with our coaching practice when we do the healing process,
it's it's something that is so personal and very sacred,
but yet also um it has so much value and worth and so um this is,
this is the moment where people,
we become to redefine ourselves and really rediscover who we are and then intuition um you know one of the best things that we can have ever have in our lives is to be in tune and have that intuition with marshall's great swallowed like Einstein understood intuition and he,
you know he has so many quotes about intuition and um he was,
he was a brilliant man and yet intuition was out of his flower um and then the e would stand for elevate when we um when we,
when we get to the elevation part we really discover,
we're discovering when we're discovering new things.
This is what happened to me,
you know laurel had talked about going to to meet you for the first time and all these other beautiful souls that we met in san Diego.
We had,
I had awaken that weekend when that I think that this is the weekend I think I woke,
I woke up from whatever sleep,
the deep sleep that I had and so I started rediscovering and learning and growing and um there was the light that light that we talked about at the end of the tunnel for me,
I was like I need to get to that light because I'm rediscovering new things and this is what what happens when we coach people and they get to the point where they can also see that light as they wait.
I want that,
I want to rediscover who I am,
take off the blindness,
let me just be.
And then Love would be the next um um letter on the acronym shield,
um basically embracing embracing all about you,
embracing everything about you.
And then we talk about those self positives and then the self negatives,
you know,
self care,
self love,
self awareness,
self actualization and departing away from those self doubt and you know,
all the self negatives that we may have in our in our minds.
And so when we really truly embrace and love ourselves to that point where we understand what love is for ourselves because it's easy to love others,
but we don't love ourselves.
It's hard to show to show that.
So um and then finally the D for the acronym would be delight.
And that's when we you know when when when we come out on top we're at the top of the mountain and we can see that sunset,
we can see those clouds,
we can see the beauty,
you know the colors of the sky,
the oranges and the and the and the purples and all that.
We are actually actualized.
We are up there on top of the mountain and we have done it and this is self actualization when we when we get to that point and we feel please please with ourselves who we are,
please,
that we can show up as we are to others.
We don't have to put on the masks,
we don't have to put on anything which is b be us,
we just flow,
just just we'll just be and so this is that this is the beauty about,
about this um are coaching,
you know,
practice with,
with shining our light,
discovering our lives and also healing,
you know,
and so,
um,
and we have,
we have lived this and now we're trying to share it with all the with with others on how they can actually do this as well,
wow,
I love this shield and I just had this image of for those who know,
like the Maslow's hierarchy of needs and you,
you know,
it's,
it's interesting cause even in your journeys,
while one seemed inverted when x like yours was,
you know,
hey,
you had the,
the needs for,
I mean,
for a long time,
it was like you were the basic,
the basic needs,
um,
Loretta,
your needs were met,
but it was like the one or two rungs up on that pyramid and you both have,
like,
I just saw it as like a mountain,
you know,
the pyramid and together in your own journey,
you've,
you've gone through those different levels to get to the self realization and self actualization and I think,
and I know people that are,
you know,
our listeners are human beings that,
you know,
I always say,
we're still family.
I know you,
I know you're listening because I know I hear from you,
you want to make a difference in the world.
And so what you're talking about is just this is so beautiful and so powerful and I keep seeing that image that you were saying Loretta of meeting in the center the wholeness right of the feminine and masculine taking.
You know you were you were talking earlier about these different energies and you not being stuck in one or the other.
You can have belonging and freedom finding that and and you know it sounds like what you're doing with your coaching and this work and because you've lived it is really helping others to achieve to to align with that and to be that and to have that experience So wonderful because that it is it's that hierarchy and that self actualization in order to live your purpose and live a life of significance and live B2-2 really delight yourself and others.
You have to do the work.
You can't stick the foundation.
You've you've got to go through that healing and discover self discovery and then figure out the how right shining your light and once you know what it is,
what is your purpose get really clear on your purpose.
Then we help take people through how to manifest that and it's awesome because we combine the masculine and the feminine energies if you will we combine both.
You know the feminine,
you know intuition and um emotional um,
aspects and using the laws of nature,
the law of attraction and things like that.
But then we also use the masculine action oriented,
the business management skills that we have and using design thinking and you know,
even my project management skills to help people lay out a plan and you know,
hold themselves accountable and they want to establish success metrics and you know,
we can bring all that in.
We can combine the masculine and the feminine in,
in,
in in the hallway.
That is the best serves that person.
And it's wherever they are on their journey and it's not linear.
So it's it's it's meeting people wherever they are on their journey.
And just like we just love love coaching because it's such a intimate um and powerful process Two to be able to just show up and you know,
with with him as a,
as a loving presence with a mirror and asking powerful questions to help people realize their own answers and and and help them go through that process of self discovery.
Amazing.
And what I love is you've done that work and you are doing the work.
It's not a,
as you said,
it's not linear and it doesn't end.
It's a,
it's a journey.
Um well,
I just,
oh gosh,
I mean,
so I'm just gonna say everyone listening,
these are like,
I just adore you both so much and knowing some of your story.
I'm like I'm just so honored for you to share who you are.
Clearly There's so much more obviously to go into here.
But to just touch upon both of you the work that you've done.
The listening,
the honoring of your intuition of your heart of really what moves you and then stepping forward and have encouraged and then finding that Holness really is the two of you.
And I'll say um to everyone To my beautiful soul.
Family listening.
Like I was so enamored with their energy.
I literally like stumbled in the first time I recorded I was like,
I can't even speak.
There's just so much good you do here.
There's so much good good vibes here.
And I we had to do it again.
I'm like,
what is happening?
I mean,
you both just radiate yourselves your beauty or that oneness.
Um before we end,
you both are familiar with my heart flare terms.
I just want to check in is there any heart flare?
Anything that maybe I didn't ask you or just even that's just coming up for you that you feel like you know,
I feel like our beautiful community of listeners would really benefit from hearing.
So I'll just give you each a chance if you'd like to share peace.
Yeah,
breathing in ocean and energy And but peace.
Sick lives within you and not in nature offers an infinite flow of And just I don't know An invitation to mm hmm breathe it in,
breathe in the piece that is around us and in us.
Um I want to give that invitation to just take to just take in some deep cleansing pete breasts and invite welcome that peace.
Inner peace um mm hmm Beautiful.
I like that.
And also I want to add I want to add to that.
I want to add what I've been thinking about is kindness.
Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm witnesses.
Um you know you've been wearing a lot of big kind you know kind and I love I love those.
I love those shirts because they speak you know you may not realize when you read the words they really speak to people and they speak to me and so kindness is a is an eternal law.
Mhm So when we when we exercise kindness it actually opens up something in us um that we have so many doors that we you know inside of ourselves and one of the doors that I feel like kinda does for me helps me and this helps me be patient.
Mhm And the world is such a busy place where now there's so much going on we are always on the go um if we can take an opportunity to be aware of what's going on around us with a little bit more kindness something will change a little bit more and has spent years and it's still every every day trying to counterbalance my on our anxiety i with feelings of peace.
I love that you said that because I think kindness um and and kindness towards ourselves is sort of the the anecdote in the invitation that invites that piece some.
And I think if you can wear it,
you can become it.
Mm hmm.
You can say it or wear it,
you can become it.
Oh my gosh!
Beautiful,
Beautiful heart flares like peace and kindness.
I can't think of something more important than what I know.
I am imagining anyone listening to is going to resonate with and need more of right?
Just being that being that that piece being that kindness to yourself and to others.
So beautiful!
Oh my Gosh Loretta and thank you so much for coming on today for sharing your gracing us with your wisdom,
your stories of just what you've been through and finding that end of the belonging and the wholeness and holding that space for others to do that and through your coaching,
work through your light through your being and just through your hearts.
I'm so honored and grateful And I just love you both.
Thank you for being here today.
Thank you so much.
We love you my friend.
I am so grateful that you are a part of this powerful community.
I thank you for listening to this episode and I hope it inspires you to remember who you really are and who you chose to be in this lifetime.
I created this podcast from my own heart's desire to amplify the vibration of compassion,
kindness,
abundance,
heart,
magic and so much more,
both within you and the collective.
I'm honored to be your host,
your friend and your companion on this life journey and I love feedback.
Let me know what you loved.
What would you love more of or what would you love to see covered on the show.
And if you feel moved,
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Welcome my friend to the Us to podcast.I'm julie wrestler and I am so honored to have you here in this show and community.You'll find huge hearted overachievers who want to turn on their inner light to learn to trust their heart wisdom and help raise the consciousness of this planet just like you, whether I'm sharing a conversation with a fellow light worker luminary or a solo cast about navigating life as an empath,

my goal is the same to help you turn your fear into faith, to remember that you are sacred to realign with your highest potential to be fully self expressed as your UIs tieu.Are you ready to join me on this journey?

It's time to listen to your inner guidance and follow your soul's purpose.Never forget the chances of being born were one in 14 trillion.In other words, you are pure positive,

divine light born to shine, to live from your heart and to be your fullest Usu Welcome Welcome! Welcome us to listener.I am so grateful you're here and I want to say that you are in for such a treat today.I was noting we got to chat beforehand.

I have two incredible guests, a beautiful dynamic power couple and um I always notice when my cheeks start to hurt.It means that I am smiling so much and I just feel so grateful that you're going to get to experience their late and their wisdom and their brilliance today.So let me introduce you to our amazing couple Loretta and to monitoring over the past three years,

Loretta and Tae have both traversed an intense transformative self love and belonging journey, resulting in a desire to now help walk others home to their radiant cells and to shine their light.Having both received life designer certifications,

they are co founding together a life coaching practice.Light Your Ray and Ray, I love this, stands for radiant as yourself.They're focusing on serving ambitious individuals to overcome fears and limiting belief patterns to unlock their purpose and unique, limitless potential in their life careers.

A big part of Loretta's self love journey was around shedding her guilt and shame around her bisexuality and feelings of unworthiness tied up in her faith tradition as she was raised in today's journey began in humble roots in South Africa during apartheid and the Revolution for Equality amongst black South Africans.He at times lost trust in people and in hope of a better world.

He suffered from feelings of inadequacy that came from living in poverty and oppression.They're both deeply committed two and passionate about creating environments of love and belonging, healing from the wounds of rejection,

racism and systemic oppression through deep inner coaching work under the motto, when there is no enemy within the outside enemy cannot hurt you.They have created a unique three pillar coaching offering focused on healing through self awareness, discovering your light through self care and shining your light through self actualization Loretta and have traveled extensively and have a deep love for humanity for culture and cultural differences.

They enjoy daily partnership as they raise their beautiful for Children in san clemente California.You can find tae Loretta at Loretta and today dot com.And again we will have that on the in the show notes.

But it is Loretta and today dot com.You are going to be so just so amazed by these two and it is my pleasure and my honor to introduce you Loretta and thank you for being here today.Thank you.

Thank you so much for having us julie.I've really had the pleasure of getting to watch both of you evolve and continuing to evolve and really step into and radiate your light.And I love that that that acronym beautiful the radiance as yourself.

And I think before we get into talking about what you're doing now and how you're helping others.It is helpful for those who don't know you to really get a better sense of some of the challenges you have struggled with and overcome and really dealt with those roots that have helped you to plant them and now create this incredibly strong trunk and tree that where you can give and help others.And so um we just love to hear a little bit about your journeys and what helped you to get to where you are now mm hmm.

Well I'll go ahead and start and then um Kay we'll both share Um in essence um are my journey has been about a tug of war between belonging and freedom and uh and dealing with those enemies within um on the outside growing up I had a really solid upbringing.Very,

very strong family loving family.But from a very young age, I check on a lot of shame and I developed some beliefs that um that the only way to love be loved is through achievements and being a good girl.I grew up mormon and the lines between right and wrong were very thickly drawn.

Um and I um and when they were drawn by for me and I didn't always fall on the right side of those lines in what I thought, what I felt what I did.And so I ended up having a lot of secrets and locking those in the vaults and even so far kept a lot of secrets so far down that they even kept them from myself.

And then it created a lot of cognitive dissidents and hollowness inside.Um I lost my true sense itself.Um and in a desperate desire to belong.I sort of lost this, my own sense of freedom and integrity,

integrity was a moving target because I was trying to align with something outside of myself constantly.Um that led to, you know, Me becoming a Chameleon in a lot of ways my family moved.I grew up in California,

but then we moved to Kuwait when I was 14 and and I I ended up really thriving in the Middle East because I assimilated.Um And then I went to africa and I assimilated in africa um When I went to college um colleges where went to Brigham young university um and where I spent a lot of time alone and I had a really hard time assimilating at that point and and I found myself spending a lot of time in nature um and um time with the students for international development club.

But I didn't go on dates, I didn't have friends very many friends.I spent a lot of time during those years alone um And really just poured myself after college poured myself into my work and achievements and um well we you know I'll pause the story there but I dealt with a lot of anxiety and you know we create after we we created created a successful life on the outside for myself um um But you know a lot of overachieving and people pleasing um took on very masculine energy and corporate roles.

Um And and just again was still struggling with a sense of self for years all the way into adulthood but would love to pause and either let you ask any questions or give me a chance to talk about his his rooms.Yeah well I I just,

first of all I mean it just sounds like um there's such self awareness and and it's so interesting kind of like when you see a tapestry right and the front of it is all beautiful, you turn it over and it's like,

oh there's so many knots and it doesn't look the same and it just, it sounds, I'm curious to come back to some of this, but really can it, you said something that really hit me, which is this,

you kept these secrets and mainly from, from yourself, we'll come back to that because I think that is, that is something that I think others definitely can identify with, especially um you know,

around shame and what do we do with that? So, so beautiful.Loretta, I mean, I know you've made such such shifts in your life um tae would love to hear because I know you had a completely, like,

you didn't even, you weren't raised in the States and you can share with us, like what it was like for you growing up.Yeah, well, thank you for sharing love.Um so my story has,

you know, has stated when you were reading our profile, there was coming from humble beginnings, you know, my, I have four siblings and my mom, she couldn't take care of us all by himself because my dad and had um separated.So we lived with our grandmother of which didn't have a stable job because she was taking care of her kids and also taking care of us.

So um, eventually there was a time when, you know, my brother went to be farmed out to my uncle's house and this was an opportunity for, you know, for most of us kids in their family, like my brother is gone and my other brother had left as well and stayed with with relatives.

And then um I chose also to be found out to go live with this one family.And so you know the same, it really takes a village to raise a to raise a child.It's not an understatement in africa.

So um but along came with that came a lot of, I would say negative negatives, you know, things like abused violence.You know, these are the things that witnessed, you know,

violent political violence, um domestic violence.Um and and on top of that apartheid because this is where this is the era that I grew up in.So people were already oppressed by the government um you know, sex segregated because they were solely because the color of their skin and then oppressed by the jobs or the education that they got.

And so the education we had was called Bantu education, which means it's basically skilled trades and stuff like that.We couldn't really get a good job when we graduate from high school and stuff like that.So anyways,

um I've witnessed horrible things as a kid growing up.Um you know, death around me was like walking walking in the park every day, you know, some people get get get killed and you know that it was not, it was not a good place to raise a child um in my time.

Um so moving forward, um you know, I like that expression of the enemy within, if if that enemy within exists inside of us then it is easy for us to falter anyway, so um I grew up with his family that was close,

close close family friends and experienced hardship and abuse um and yet I still knew that there was something, you know, something that was better than what the life that I was living and I, you know,

I was angry to the child, not not too angry, but I was, I was angry at my dad for living, I was angry at the situation that we were in, was it, you know angry that well I chose to be found out, but then it ended up not being such a really good,

there were some good things about it, but there was also some not so good things about it, about being found out, a lot of not so good um as I mentioned abuse and beatings and you know um but I am eventually um moved back At the age of 16, Welcome back to my,

to my family, to live with my my grandma, to my, to my grandma's house again and left that that family, 50 years and years of me living in that family, enduring and enduring years of abuse and um compassion,

oh my gosh, it's like um it's hard to get my head around like I can't even as a young child just thinking as you said, you think of the park right? And kids to the park and they play and you have swings and the fact that you're seeing people die as a, as a that's a common occurrence.

It's like, you know, I can tell you anyone listening and my heart were like that is just, it's awful.And so I can't even imagine as a little person experiencing that.And the one thing that's so,

it's just so amazing to me about you tae is the like inner joy and I really hear that quote that you talked about the enemy within when you when you can kind of like let go of the enemy within because you have so much joy and light within you.How did you go from 16 going back to your family's house,

what you grew up with that? I mean, you know, in in this conversation maybe just highlight like how are you able to make peace or or really be with the with what you saw and and come out this way like with this radiance and joy.Like I know you talked about anger and you talked about,

I can't even imagine fear, I would think and sadness, you know, I think about your the ray right radiant as yourself.Like how did you, because you're so radiant today as yourself, How have you done that?

Well, I'm glad you asked that question, I think that one of the things that kept me going and that helped me have that peace within myself was I held on to the things that I felt that I didn't have, for example,

I did not have a, I grew up without his father present in the home, so I have decided as a 77 or eight years old that I'm not going to become my father.So I held onto the things that,

and I think they're all project, you know, so, so what I didn't have, I held onto and so um, you know, recently you um you had a ted X talk about the power of words, you know,

when we, when we take those words and we apply them to ourselves, I've heard words like, you know, you'll never grow up to be this or you will never amount to become that or things like that.And so I held onto the opposite,

you know, because people discounted us or discounted me growing up, you know? And so I held onto the offer of it and said, you know what, and I'm gonna hold onto this idea of I'm gonna become this instead of become my father or become this instead of that, which was not positive in my life,

and that's why I feel like it was the light that was, that I carried with me within me, you know, I still had beautiful moments as a kid, I still had laughter, you know I still played um and the light,

that little light or that little step of spark, you know something that was in me, that's the thing that kept me going to become the man I am today, that's amazing, I love what you just said about and what I,

what I'm getting and I think this ties in even to what you were saying to Loretta, it's like, hey you just, you chose, you made a decision to no matter what I'm going to be my best self, I'm going to not be my father,

I'm going to be, I mean I kept hearing this empowerment there, like you just made a choice and you kept holding on to those words no matter what you saw, that is so powerful and I can see why who you are now um some people wouldn't come out that way um and just to just to hear you know,

your resolve, like I am choosing to be somebody in the world and and it's not surprising now as a father and with amazing Children and I know a lot of what you're doing is also working coaching men um and other fathers as well.It's so it's just a powerful lesson,

you know, for for people, for all of us, right, we have different struggles, you really that to me is I can't even imagine, I mean that's kind of some of the most challenging things you could, you could deal with on earth.

Yeah, I mean I you know, I think about it and I'm thinking about the loss or the losses I've had along the way and lots of friends who had died at a very young age because they chose a different life, you know,

a life of crime or a life of some of them are in prison, you know, and so and I I shouldn't be here today.You know, that's that's the thought I shouldn't, I shouldn't be here,

I should be either in prison or dead because that's what, that's what this is what was happening around me consistently every day.Yeah.People that I grew up with and so but the choices were the choices that I have made when I was a kid were there and those are the ones that gave me this opportunity to, to stay strong.

It was not easy.Um there was so much hardship.Did you see the beautiful paradox where externally, you know, growing up externally a mess but so beautiful and grounded and present and belonging to himself inside and then for me on the outside having this, you know,

solid safe, peaceful, perfect family.But on the inside feeling hollow and um my mess was inside and and just the we needed each other immediately when we when we met it was like this pole because of this complimentary healing, reciprocal healing and helping each other.

I was just so powerful.You just said Loretta and I was thinking gosh the enemies were different.You had the enemy on the outside in today's world and in your world it was the inside and what I know that you've both really your stand for and what you're doing is like let's have no enemy and and and and and in in the world in the world that we live in as well impression racism, relationships,

connections.Um and just watching the two of you seeing how this has started from within to to you know take it sounds like you just had like you said Loretta this strong resolve there was there wasn't an enemy within it was around perhaps or that that feeling that's necessary enemy but challenge of death and destruction around you and Loretta that that that was going on inside.Yeah and I was gonna say to that point about the words that you you know that Ted x talk you said about words was I did not let those words affect the way I I thought about myself.

Yeah yeah you chose.It's so powerful.You did not let them and and I think the question for all of us everyone listening is what words like what are you letting affect you Loretta to go back to you for a minute because I know you've talked about struggling with the secret and the shame and the and the internal the internal struggle.Um what helped you to start to change and and shift that dynamic and relationship within you.

So for me it finally decided to choose freedom over belonging.Um and I had a big the big breakup, if you will, a big quiet but invisible breakup with all of these pillars of belonging that I that I had created for myself externally.Um as in I left,

the more I separated myself from the mormon church, which I was, you know what, that I belong to.Um I I left my company, my corporate job of 11 years um left um and moved to another home and and only in that departure of of of of sorts, I had gotten to a place where I needed freedom,

right? But when all of that, when I left all of those things, I hit a rock bottom because I found myself at an extreme loss and it was too many departures I think at once um and I experienced and experiencing trauma upon trauma and grief and loss and really then I didn't have any, I still didn't have anything inside and I then I didn't have the external things either,

the support systems externally and and I was I was in a pretty desperate place staying alive really for my husband and my kids when I met you Um it was really this December of 2019 when I we met we met you um at this wonderful, beautiful um read a leadership conference are our friends halal reid and john Berghof are beautiful people,

beautiful souls in this gathering um filled with so many um mentors and just high vibration, high energy people helping us to lead from the inside out and to heal from the inside out and to lead these beautiful radiant lives and you were one of those people that really I could really um mm hmm relate with and empathize with and that I could look to as somebody that I knew could help me on my journey of healing And that's when I discovered that's when I started the healing process 2020 and and really um it was really through going inward and getting still um and being versus doing and really listening to my own authority,

listening to my heart and we learned how to reclaim my authority for myself and really connect with my divine feminine south.Um and and get really connected to mother Earth and um that journey of sacred journey of self love and worthiness is allowed us to then start to see all of this beautiful unfolding and rebuilding our our lives externally, you know,

bling blessed to live, you know, acquire a dream job in a in a dream home and um you know this, you know, discovered that coaching was actually perfect of the perfect thing for for for for our skill sets and in being able to give back and and finding this sense now of belonging and freedom together.Hello,

my dear sacred friend, this is julie.I'm just pausing really quickly because I know if you're here, being your usU is really important to you and I so honor and acknowledge that I'm grateful to be on this journey with you and I just wanted to share if you are feeling called to really help others to do this, to tap into their U.

S.U.To create that kind of powerful life by design, then you might be interested in my life designer coaching certification program.It's a four month virtual live program.I personally have brought in heart and Soul my experience over 10 years of coaching hundreds and hundreds of ambitious executives and entrepreneurs and moms and people like you as well as my master's degree background in coaching,

my teaching at Georgetown University and coaching and I have added in so much around intuition, body wisdom, the healing arts, heart intelligence as well as positive psychology.So if this feels like something that might be for you,

I would love for you to connect with me or to just apply and you can do that now at julie Rissler dot com forward slash certification and I hope to connect with you soon.Lots of love.

So I'm what I'm pausing for is you know, because we've both, we've all done the coaching work together and that whole and statement, you know, being able to hold both and it just sounds so, it's so powerful.

Loretta, you went from choosing belonging over freedom to freedom over belonging to today.What I'm hearing is it's an integrated life, feminine and masculine belonging and freedom, right?

Bringing in your, your gifts together, even the work you're doing.And it's just when you said that, I'm like, wow, what a, you know, there's some people that get to the end of their life and don't ever have that experience.They didn't do the work.

That's part of the reason why I'm so happy to have you both and to, to do this podcast is I don't want anyone to ever get to the end and feel like, oh, shoot,

I missed it.And it's just, that's what I'm hearing with both of you.It's what I love about each of you in your own distinct way is you are just showing up every single moment to moment to be your, your higher self,

your highest self.And just hearing you say that, but you have the belonging and the freedom that is kind of, it's so incredible to have both today.Maybe never thought that was possible before.I don't know.

Yeah, completely.And, and, and I will say that the, um, the, that it's a journey that continues and it's not static and it's something that we're continuing to nourish, um,

and did a lot of work in 2020.Um, but, and on May 25 this year, um I was in a car impact.I was in a car accident wasn't, I don't think it was an accident.I think it was an opportunity for me,

but I would like to receive another in experience something to compel me to do even more deconstruction and reconstruction.Um because that car accident where I was hit, it happened on the anniversary of George Floyd's.

Yes, May 26, was his one year anniversary.And at the time that I was struck by this other vehicle, it was actually um the same day and even hour as when he took his last breath.And it has and it was the night of the lunar eclipse that night.

And there were a number of other synchronicities that it compels me to go even further in asking myself what does belonging really mean? And how do I really received belonging? Um And it's it's been a beautiful healing journey since then the past three months or so of cleansing,

doing some even further cleansing work.That inner cleansing work and reinvigorated my sense of being in that center of victory and surrender in the center of gay and straight, in the center of heart and mind,

in the center of body and soul in the center of body and masculine and feminine in the center of living in death.Like just being in the center, just being in that wholeness belonging and freedom.Um And not just not having to choose,

eliminating the lines, all these lines, right, dividing lines, racial lines, all these lines.And just in the center it's and I got it first evolved my body, I started with my cheeks hurting now my body of chills all over my entire body just hearing.

I remember when you had this car impact, the accident, I did not realize that was on the one year anniversary of George Floyd's death and just like the the power of that and what you're saying about letting these lines kind of disintegrate of where we have the right or the wrong, this,

you know, where we start to get into, you know, pointing fingers or like you said, being in the center of mind and heart, you don't have to choose just your mind.You don't have to choose just your heartbeat into the center of that find that wholeness.

Um and you started to really you just made a comment about belonging and I'm like, oh, I wonder if you could just share a little bit about you said you did some reflection like, what do you think it really does mean this,

this belonging and how can we, you know, how can we or anyone listening? How can we start to really move towards that? It's kind of a big question, but you are up to it my friend because I was just beautiful thoughts and like keep going and try to but I'd love to hear what does that mean to you really, it's a wonderful question.

And it's one that to be quite honest, I'm still exploring and and I'm devouring all things along those lines.You know, reading Burn a browns um um literature around belonging and just trying to really study it.Um because for the longest time I'm like okay I get that that you know,

you know, there's this element of belonging to oneself and you know, being you know, walking yourself home and we you need to have this like sense of home within.Um but then and there's also this human need to belong in relationship to be in relationship with others and be in connection with other human beings and through the work of dr danni friedland.

Um and others I know that we need this, we need to be able to give and receive with others.And our brains are wired biologically for that, and I was still feeling a great sense of exclusion.Um and like loneliness,

like okay yeah the self floods there, but I need I need, can I still need connection with others? How do I how do I find that? And how do I um how do I maintain my own sense of belonging? And what I think what I think it really comes down to is the cross road belonging is about the crossroad of assimilation and uniqueness and this is what I'm learning a lot from what I'm doing in my corporate job.

So I had that talent development and diversity inclusion efforts in my organization.And so a lot of the literature around, you know, in the inclusion where talks about this crosswords and I think it's really true that when we can be assimilated meaning to the extent that we feel like we're part of the team um and we you know, we have shared a shared sense of purpose with with with others and we are to the extent that our uniqueness is celebrated and a part of that team that's where true belonging is found being completely,

truly uniquely you and and being a finding others that you can share common purpose values um you know, connection with in community with and and and you know in that community that their sense of stewardship and um and shared sense of a shared story.A shared purpose.

Um and so what I'm really focusing on now is my uniqueness rebuilding really who am I? And bringing my uniqueness forward in those communities and whoever I show up with remaining became my head, you know,

where my hair curly to do me wear the clothes, you know, I don't have to put on the corporate suits straighten the hair have the you know, the look that would be assimilating but I can be me and then I can share with with my organization and shared values during purpose.Mm hmm I got that um the curly hair girl got you there.

I was like, nope not straighten it.Um tae you were gonna say.And I also would love to hear in a moment how you guys Because I think a lot of what you're doing in your coaching work is also bringing in this belonging and this this incredible connecting.But hey,

you're going to say I love to hear your thoughts about belonging for me.I think that you know, it's more like either a child, you know, for me because you know what Children need is we need to get out there and we need to tell them what to do.We need to we need to,

you know, keep them away from danger and all that kind of stuff that we do for for our Children.And so sometimes I felt like that I felt like those blinders that we that I grew up with.We're the ones that are with them not letting me belong.

Is he giving my power and to somebody else to some you know, somebody else tell me what to do when to do it, how to do it.And so I wasn't really belonging because they didn't have control.I didn't have I was not in charge of myself.

You know? And so um but taking away those blinders when I really rediscovered who I was and actually gave myself permission to belong to myself.I started realizing what was going on around me.I started opening up my eyes of what was really who I who I was,

who I really was and also what my papers was as well.And and that is such a gift to to understand when we when we start to understand who we are, take off the blindness, stop pleasing people who we really are coming back to ourselves and coming home to ourselves.

When you knock on that door, you can actually open it and see yourself for who you are.And that's what happened to me.And when I when I say I love something and I'm gonna do something, I love something and I will do that thing because I understand who I am and um you know Loretta always tells me man you always live in the present.

Why would you do that? It's because of where I came from those roots that we talked about earlier, where the poverty was prevalent and so everything was survival mode for me.So I just lived in the present because tomorrow may not come and rightly so we don't even we're not even guaranteed tomorrow,

you know.So I lived in the presence, I lived in the moment.I lived in that moment where I had this thing right now and I'm gonna be present and enjoy it right now.And so when when you talk about belonging then that's that's the essence of it for me is to take away the blinders and rediscover who I was and really live in the present,

that was so exquisite.I I wrote this down this quote, like stood out to me, it's really giving, you talked about belonging, is also giving permission to belong to yourself.And then that was like,

that is we gotta make a big quote card on that one.Um but giving your, you know, self the permission and then taking those blinders off, and I was remembering au the coaching group you were in.I just remember when you speak,

everyone was like leaning in like, hey speaking, like there's like, wisdom is coming out of you and of course with you too, Loretta, I'm just remembering and your cohort, I'm like,

oh my God, everyone would like lean in and be like, just every, you know, you have a lot of wisdom, so that uh reminds me of the pearl, you know, when you have so much grit, you have a beautiful pearl that comes out of it.

And anyhow, I appreciate what you just said so much.And it helped me as well.Just think about, yeah, you know, it's, it's so true about taking the blinders off giving yourself permission and then staying in now, because that's what we have before we wrap,

I do want to talk about this beautiful work you're doing and the radiating as yourself and the the coaching work and the way that you're serving um and kind of your, your y and your vision because I think it's I think it's beautiful.

Um so however you would like to share about, I just want to give you a moment because it's it's so heartfelt to me, oh, the beautiful part about this whole thing and coming together and doing the coaching together that we complement like florida had said each other.And so um and we have come up with this model that be um we love so much and it's it's uh you know,

it's the arrangement as yourself um and the accounting for that would be the shield um has sending stands for stillness.You know, we this is this is the call of what we, we wanna um envelope and really give a gift to the people that we coach.

Um and so um so stillness in terms of meditation and really getting to know and be grounded in who we are just sitting there in that in that moment and really listening in from the universe to to to ourselves giving ourselves that gift to listen and be in tune with that and then um and then Loretta touch based on healing, which would be the age and this is the work.

You know, this is what I call the work because each one of us have to do that and with our coaching practice when we do the healing process, it's it's something that is so personal and very sacred, but yet also um it has so much value and worth and so um this is,

this is the moment where people, we become to redefine ourselves and really rediscover who we are and then intuition um you know one of the best things that we can have ever have in our lives is to be in tune and have that intuition with marshall's great swallowed like Einstein understood intuition and he, you know he has so many quotes about intuition and um he was,

he was a brilliant man and yet intuition was out of his flower um and then the e would stand for elevate when we um when we, when we get to the elevation part we really discover, we're discovering when we're discovering new things.

This is what happened to me, you know laurel had talked about going to to meet you for the first time and all these other beautiful souls that we met in san Diego.We had,

I had awaken that weekend when that I think that this is the weekend I think I woke, I woke up from whatever sleep, the deep sleep that I had and so I started rediscovering and learning and growing and um there was the light that light that we talked about at the end of the tunnel for me, I was like I need to get to that light because I'm rediscovering new things and this is what what happens when we coach people and they get to the point where they can also see that light as they wait.

I want that, I want to rediscover who I am, take off the blindness, let me just be.And then Love would be the next um um letter on the acronym shield, um basically embracing embracing all about you,

embracing everything about you.And then we talk about those self positives and then the self negatives, you know, self care, self love, self awareness, self actualization and departing away from those self doubt and you know,

all the self negatives that we may have in our in our minds.And so when we really truly embrace and love ourselves to that point where we understand what love is for ourselves because it's easy to love others, but we don't love ourselves.

It's hard to show to show that.So um and then finally the D for the acronym would be delight.And that's when we you know when when when we come out on top we're at the top of the mountain and we can see that sunset, we can see those clouds,

we can see the beauty, you know the colors of the sky, the oranges and the and the and the purples and all that.We are actually actualized.We are up there on top of the mountain and we have done it and this is self actualization when we when we get to that point and we feel please please with ourselves who we are, please,

that we can show up as we are to others.We don't have to put on the masks, we don't have to put on anything which is b be us, we just flow, just just we'll just be and so this is that this is the beauty about, about this um are coaching,

you know, practice with, with shining our light, discovering our lives and also healing, you know, and so, um, and we have, we have lived this and now we're trying to share it with all the with with others on how they can actually do this as well, wow,

I love this shield and I just had this image of for those who know, like the Maslow's hierarchy of needs and you, you know, it's, it's interesting cause even in your journeys, while one seemed inverted when x like yours was,

you know, hey, you had the, the needs for, I mean, for a long time, it was like you were the basic, the basic needs, um, Loretta, your needs were met, but it was like the one or two rungs up on that pyramid and you both have,

like, I just saw it as like a mountain, you know, the pyramid and together in your own journey, you've, you've gone through those different levels to get to the self realization and self actualization and I think, and I know people that are,

you know, our listeners are human beings that, you know, I always say, we're still family.I know you, I know you're listening because I know I hear from you, you want to make a difference in the world.

And so what you're talking about is just this is so beautiful and so powerful and I keep seeing that image that you were saying Loretta of meeting in the center the wholeness right of the feminine and masculine taking.You know you were you were talking earlier about these different energies and you not being stuck in one or the other.

You can have belonging and freedom finding that and and you know it sounds like what you're doing with your coaching and this work and because you've lived it is really helping others to achieve to to align with that and to be that and to have that experience So wonderful because that it is it's that hierarchy and that self actualization in order to live your purpose and live a life of significance and live B2-2 really delight yourself and others.

You have to do the work.You can't stick the foundation.You've you've got to go through that healing and discover self discovery and then figure out the how right shining your light and once you know what it is, what is your purpose get really clear on your purpose.

Then we help take people through how to manifest that and it's awesome because we combine the masculine and the feminine energies if you will we combine both.You know the feminine,

you know intuition and um emotional um, aspects and using the laws of nature, the law of attraction and things like that.But then we also use the masculine action oriented, the business management skills that we have and using design thinking and you know,

even my project management skills to help people lay out a plan and you know, hold themselves accountable and they want to establish success metrics and you know, we can bring all that in.

We can combine the masculine and the feminine in, in, in in the hallway.That is the best serves that person.And it's wherever they are on their journey and it's not linear.So it's it's it's meeting people wherever they are on their journey.

And just like we just love love coaching because it's such a intimate um and powerful process Two to be able to just show up and you know, with with him as a, as a loving presence with a mirror and asking powerful questions to help people realize their own answers and and and help them go through that process of self discovery.

Amazing.And what I love is you've done that work and you are doing the work.It's not a, as you said, it's not linear and it doesn't end.It's a, it's a journey.Um well,

I just, oh gosh, I mean, so I'm just gonna say everyone listening, these are like, I just adore you both so much and knowing some of your story.I'm like I'm just so honored for you to share who you are.Clearly There's so much more obviously to go into here.

But to just touch upon both of you the work that you've done.The listening, the honoring of your intuition of your heart of really what moves you and then stepping forward and have encouraged and then finding that Holness really is the two of you.And I'll say um to everyone To my beautiful soul.

Family listening.Like I was so enamored with their energy.I literally like stumbled in the first time I recorded I was like, I can't even speak.There's just so much good you do here.There's so much good good vibes here.

And I we had to do it again.I'm like, what is happening? I mean, you both just radiate yourselves your beauty or that oneness.Um before we end, you both are familiar with my heart flare terms.I just want to check in is there any heart flare?

Anything that maybe I didn't ask you or just even that's just coming up for you that you feel like you know, I feel like our beautiful community of listeners would really benefit from hearing.So I'll just give you each a chance if you'd like to share peace.

Yeah, breathing in ocean and energy And but peace.Sick lives within you and not in nature offers an infinite flow of And just I don't know An invitation to mm hmm breathe it in, breathe in the piece that is around us and in us.

Um I want to give that invitation to just take to just take in some deep cleansing pete breasts and invite welcome that peace.Inner peace um mm hmm Beautiful.I like that.

And also I want to add I want to add to that.I want to add what I've been thinking about is kindness.Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm witnesses.Um you know you've been wearing a lot of big kind you know kind and I love I love those.I love those shirts because they speak you know you may not realize when you read the words they really speak to people and they speak to me and so kindness is a is an eternal law.

Mhm So when we when we exercise kindness it actually opens up something in us um that we have so many doors that we you know inside of ourselves and one of the doors that I feel like kinda does for me helps me and this helps me be patient.Mhm And the world is such a busy place where now there's so much going on we are always on the go um if we can take an opportunity to be aware of what's going on around us with a little bit more kindness something will change a little bit more and has spent years and it's still every every day trying to counterbalance my on our anxiety i with feelings of peace.

I love that you said that because I think kindness um and and kindness towards ourselves is sort of the the anecdote in the invitation that invites that piece some.And I think if you can wear it,

you can become it.Mm hmm.You can say it or wear it, you can become it.Oh my gosh! Beautiful, Beautiful heart flares like peace and kindness.I can't think of something more important than what I know.I am imagining anyone listening to is going to resonate with and need more of right?

Just being that being that that piece being that kindness to yourself and to others.So beautiful! Oh my Gosh Loretta and thank you so much for coming on today for sharing your gracing us with your wisdom, your stories of just what you've been through and finding that end of the belonging and the wholeness and holding that space for others to do that and through your coaching,

work through your light through your being and just through your hearts.I'm so honored and grateful And I just love you both.Thank you for being here today.Thank you so much.

We love you my friend.I am so grateful that you are a part of this powerful community.I thank you for listening to this episode and I hope it inspires you to remember who you really are and who you chose to be in this lifetime.I created this podcast from my own heart's desire to amplify the vibration of compassion,

kindness, abundance, heart, magic and so much more, both within you and the collective.I'm honored to be your host, your friend and your companion on this life journey and I love feedback.Let me know what you loved.

What would you love more of or what would you love to see covered on the show.And if you feel moved, please subscribe, rate and review the USU podcast so that we can continue to shift the way humanity operates and shape this gorgeous collective community with the deepest love, admiration and respect for your USU.

Until next time.Yeah.

How to Design Your Best Life with Loretta & Té Monareng

Welcome my friend to the Us to podcast.
I'm julie wrestler and I am so honored to have you here in this show and community.
You'll find huge hearted overachievers who want to turn on their inner light to learn to trust their heart wisdom and help raise the consciousness of this planet just like you,
whether I'm sharing a conversation with a fellow light worker luminary or a solo cast about navigating life as an empath,
my goal is the same to help you turn your fear into faith,
to remember that you are sacred to realign with your highest potential to be fully self expressed as your UIs tieu.
Are you ready to join me on this journey?
It's time to listen to your inner guidance and follow your soul's purpose.
Never forget the chances of being born were one in 14 trillion.
In other words,
you are pure positive,
divine light born to shine,
to live from your heart and to be your fullest Usu Welcome Welcome!
Welcome us to listener.
I am so grateful you're here and I want to say that you are in for such a treat today.
I was noting we got to chat beforehand.
I have two incredible guests,
a beautiful dynamic power couple and um I always notice when my cheeks start to hurt.
It means that I am smiling so much and I just feel so grateful that you're going to get to experience their late and their wisdom and their brilliance today.
So let me introduce you to our amazing couple Loretta and to monitoring over the past three years,
Loretta and Tae have both traversed an intense transformative self love and belonging journey,
resulting in a desire to now help walk others home to their radiant cells and to shine their light.
Having both received life designer certifications,
they are co founding together a life coaching practice.
Light Your Ray and Ray,
I love this,
stands for radiant as yourself.
They're focusing on serving ambitious individuals to overcome fears and limiting belief patterns to unlock their purpose and unique,
limitless potential in their life careers.
A big part of Loretta's self love journey was around shedding her guilt and shame around her bisexuality and feelings of unworthiness tied up in her faith tradition as she was raised in today's journey began in humble roots in South Africa during apartheid and the Revolution for Equality amongst black South Africans.
He at times lost trust in people and in hope of a better world.
He suffered from feelings of inadequacy that came from living in poverty and oppression.
They're both deeply committed two and passionate about creating environments of love and belonging,
healing from the wounds of rejection,
racism and systemic oppression through deep inner coaching work under the motto,
when there is no enemy within the outside enemy cannot hurt you.
They have created a unique three pillar coaching offering focused on healing through self awareness,
discovering your light through self care and shining your light through self actualization Loretta and have traveled extensively and have a deep love for humanity for culture and cultural differences.
They enjoy daily partnership as they raise their beautiful for Children in san clemente California.
You can find tae Loretta at Loretta and today dot com.
And again we will have that on the in the show notes.
But it is Loretta and today dot com.
You are going to be so just so amazed by these two and it is my pleasure and my honor to introduce you Loretta and thank you for being here today.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for having us julie.
I've really had the pleasure of getting to watch both of you evolve and continuing to evolve and really step into and radiate your light.
And I love that that that acronym beautiful the radiance as yourself.
And I think before we get into talking about what you're doing now and how you're helping others.
It is helpful for those who don't know you to really get a better sense of some of the challenges you have struggled with and overcome and really dealt with those roots that have helped you to plant them and now create this incredibly strong trunk and tree that where you can give and help others.
And so um we just love to hear a little bit about your journeys and what helped you to get to where you are now mm hmm.
Well I'll go ahead and start and then um Kay we'll both share Um in essence um are my journey has been about a tug of war between belonging and freedom and uh and dealing with those enemies within um on the outside growing up I had a really solid upbringing.
Very,
very strong family loving family.
But from a very young age,
I check on a lot of shame and I developed some beliefs that um that the only way to love be loved is through achievements and being a good girl.
I grew up mormon and the lines between right and wrong were very thickly drawn.
Um and I um and when they were drawn by for me and I didn't always fall on the right side of those lines in what I thought,
what I felt what I did.
And so I ended up having a lot of secrets and locking those in the vaults and even so far kept a lot of secrets so far down that they even kept them from myself.
And then it created a lot of cognitive dissidents and hollowness inside.
Um I lost my true sense itself.
Um and in a desperate desire to belong.
I sort of lost this,
my own sense of freedom and integrity,
integrity was a moving target because I was trying to align with something outside of myself constantly.
Um that led to,
you know,
Me becoming a Chameleon in a lot of ways my family moved.
I grew up in California,
but then we moved to Kuwait when I was 14 and and I I ended up really thriving in the Middle East because I assimilated.
Um And then I went to africa and I assimilated in africa um When I went to college um colleges where went to Brigham young university um and where I spent a lot of time alone and I had a really hard time assimilating at that point and and I found myself spending a lot of time in nature um and um time with the students for international development club.
But I didn't go on dates,
I didn't have friends very many friends.
I spent a lot of time during those years alone um And really just poured myself after college poured myself into my work and achievements and um well we you know I'll pause the story there but I dealt with a lot of anxiety and you know we create after we we created created a successful life on the outside for myself um um But you know a lot of overachieving and people pleasing um took on very masculine energy and corporate roles.
Um And and just again was still struggling with a sense of self for years all the way into adulthood but would love to pause and either let you ask any questions or give me a chance to talk about his his rooms.
Yeah well I I just,
first of all I mean it just sounds like um there's such self awareness and and it's so interesting kind of like when you see a tapestry right and the front of it is all beautiful,
you turn it over and it's like,
oh there's so many knots and it doesn't look the same and it just,
it sounds,
I'm curious to come back to some of this,
but really can it,
you said something that really hit me,
which is this,
you kept these secrets and mainly from,
from yourself,
we'll come back to that because I think that is,
that is something that I think others definitely can identify with,
especially um you know,
around shame and what do we do with that?
So,
so beautiful.
Loretta,
I mean,
I know you've made such such shifts in your life um tae would love to hear because I know you had a completely,
like,
you didn't even,
you weren't raised in the States and you can share with us,
like what it was like for you growing up.
Yeah,
well,
thank you for sharing love.
Um so my story has,
you know,
has stated when you were reading our profile,
there was coming from humble beginnings,
you know,
my,
I have four siblings and my mom,
she couldn't take care of us all by himself because my dad and had um separated.
So we lived with our grandmother of which didn't have a stable job because she was taking care of her kids and also taking care of us.
So um,
eventually there was a time when,
you know,
my brother went to be farmed out to my uncle's house and this was an opportunity for,
you know,
for most of us kids in their family,
like my brother is gone and my other brother had left as well and stayed with with relatives.
And then um I chose also to be found out to go live with this one family.
And so you know the same,
it really takes a village to raise a to raise a child.
It's not an understatement in africa.
So um but along came with that came a lot of,
I would say negative negatives,
you know,
things like abused violence.
You know,
these are the things that witnessed,
you know,
violent political violence,
um domestic violence.
Um and and on top of that apartheid because this is where this is the era that I grew up in.
So people were already oppressed by the government um you know,
sex segregated because they were solely because the color of their skin and then oppressed by the jobs or the education that they got.
And so the education we had was called Bantu education,
which means it's basically skilled trades and stuff like that.
We couldn't really get a good job when we graduate from high school and stuff like that.
So anyways,
um I've witnessed horrible things as a kid growing up.
Um you know,
death around me was like walking walking in the park every day,
you know,
some people get get get killed and you know that it was not,
it was not a good place to raise a child um in my time.
Um so moving forward,
um you know,
I like that expression of the enemy within,
if if that enemy within exists inside of us then it is easy for us to falter anyway,
so um I grew up with his family that was close,
close close family friends and experienced hardship and abuse um and yet I still knew that there was something,
you know,
something that was better than what the life that I was living and I,
you know,
I was angry to the child,
not not too angry,
but I was,
I was angry at my dad for living,
I was angry at the situation that we were in,
was it,
you know angry that well I chose to be found out,
but then it ended up not being such a really good,
there were some good things about it,
but there was also some not so good things about it,
about being found out,
a lot of not so good um as I mentioned abuse and beatings and you know um but I am eventually um moved back At the age of 16,
Welcome back to my,
to my family,
to live with my my grandma,
to my,
to my grandma's house again and left that that family,
50 years and years of me living in that family,
enduring and enduring years of abuse and um compassion,
oh my gosh,
it's like um it's hard to get my head around like I can't even as a young child just thinking as you said,
you think of the park right?
And kids to the park and they play and you have swings and the fact that you're seeing people die as a,
as a that's a common occurrence.
It's like,
you know,
I can tell you anyone listening and my heart were like that is just,
it's awful.
And so I can't even imagine as a little person experiencing that.
And the one thing that's so,
it's just so amazing to me about you tae is the like inner joy and I really hear that quote that you talked about the enemy within when you when you can kind of like let go of the enemy within because you have so much joy and light within you.
How did you go from 16 going back to your family's house,
what you grew up with that?
I mean,
you know,
in in this conversation maybe just highlight like how are you able to make peace or or really be with the with what you saw and and come out this way like with this radiance and joy.
Like I know you talked about anger and you talked about,
I can't even imagine fear,
I would think and sadness,
you know,
I think about your the ray right radiant as yourself.
Like how did you,
because you're so radiant today as yourself,
How have you done that?
Well,
I'm glad you asked that question,
I think that one of the things that kept me going and that helped me have that peace within myself was I held on to the things that I felt that I didn't have,
for example,
I did not have a,
I grew up without his father present in the home,
so I have decided as a 77 or eight years old that I'm not going to become my father.
So I held onto the things that,
and I think they're all project,
you know,
so,
so what I didn't have,
I held onto and so um,
you know,
recently you um you had a ted X talk about the power of words,
you know,
when we,
when we take those words and we apply them to ourselves,
I've heard words like,
you know,
you'll never grow up to be this or you will never amount to become that or things like that.
And so I held onto the opposite,
you know,
because people discounted us or discounted me growing up,
you know?
And so I held onto the offer of it and said,
you know what,
and I'm gonna hold onto this idea of I'm gonna become this instead of become my father or become this instead of that,
which was not positive in my life,
and that's why I feel like it was the light that was,
that I carried with me within me,
you know,
I still had beautiful moments as a kid,
I still had laughter,
you know I still played um and the light,
that little light or that little step of spark,
you know something that was in me,
that's the thing that kept me going to become the man I am today,
that's amazing,
I love what you just said about and what I,
what I'm getting and I think this ties in even to what you were saying to Loretta,
it's like,
hey you just,
you chose,
you made a decision to no matter what I'm going to be my best self,
I'm going to not be my father,
I'm going to be,
I mean I kept hearing this empowerment there,
like you just made a choice and you kept holding on to those words no matter what you saw,
that is so powerful and I can see why who you are now um some people wouldn't come out that way um and just to just to hear you know,
your resolve,
like I am choosing to be somebody in the world and and it's not surprising now as a father and with amazing Children and I know a lot of what you're doing is also working coaching men um and other fathers as well.
It's so it's just a powerful lesson,
you know,
for for people,
for all of us,
right,
we have different struggles,
you really that to me is I can't even imagine,
I mean that's kind of some of the most challenging things you could,
you could deal with on earth.
Yeah,
I mean I you know,
I think about it and I'm thinking about the loss or the losses I've had along the way and lots of friends who had died at a very young age because they chose a different life,
you know,
a life of crime or a life of some of them are in prison,
you know,
and so and I I shouldn't be here today.
You know,
that's that's the thought I shouldn't,
I shouldn't be here,
I should be either in prison or dead because that's what,
that's what this is what was happening around me consistently every day.
Yeah.
People that I grew up with and so but the choices were the choices that I have made when I was a kid were there and those are the ones that gave me this opportunity to,
to stay strong.
It was not easy.
Um there was so much hardship.
Did you see the beautiful paradox where externa