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The Gap and the Gain with Dr. Benjamin Hardy

Meet Dr. Benjamin Hardy

Dr. Benjamin Hardy is an organizational psychologist and bestselling author of Willpower Doesn’t Work and Personality Isn’t Permanent. His new book, The Gap and the Gain, comes out in October with Hay House. His blogs have been read by over 100 million people and are featured on Forbes, Fortune, CNBC, Cheddar, Big Think, and many others. He is a regular contributor to Inc. and Psychology Today and from 2015-2018, he was the #1 writer in the world on He and his wife Lauren adopted three children through the foster system in February 2018 and, one month later, Lauren became pregnant with twins, who were born in December of 2018.

Ok, ready to dive into the Gap and the Gain? Let’s do this, my friend!


What is the Gap?

Dr. Benjamin Hardy explains that the gap is all about how you measure yourself and specifically measuring yourself against an ideal or something you wish were different. This kind of measuring always leads to unhappiness and, in psychology terms, is known as the hedonic treadmill. The gap is always about operating from a place of need, lack, or needing something else than what is in the moment. By default, when you’re in the gap, you are out of the present moment. 


What is the Gain?

With the gain, you no longer measure yourself against anything else. You measure yourself from your past by looking at the progress. You make yourself the measuring stick, not someone or something else. This is quite profound and powerful. Intrinsic motivation comes from this kind of frame.

The gain is twofold:

  • You can see your past from a positive lens and recognize the difference between your former and current self. 
  • You learn to see everything (you read that right) as a gain. 

We can train ourselves to see the gains through selective attention, and what you train yourself to see is what you’ll want to start measuring. What you measure grows. The gap and the gain are a frame or perspective. You always have an opportunity to take ownership over your life, experiences, and how you view them. This will help you to become better, not bitter, as Dr. Benjamin Hardy said. 


How to stay in the Gain

Here are some great ways to train your brain to stay in the gain:

  • Pull out your journal and list 3 gains at the end of the day. You can also chart 3 wins you’re expecting to get the next day.
  • Find wins and gains in all things. Look out for the gains, even when you’re in the gap.
  • Write out all the ways you’ve grown, learned, and progressed over the past year. Do this as often as possible. Get ready to be wowed by and with yourself! 

Rather than measuring yourself against others, be inspired by them. I’ve personally found this to be very helpful when dealing with any kind of comparison or ‘gap’ issues.   


How to be Happy

Happiness is truly about being in the here and now; otherwise, it’s contingent on something else. Happiness is dependent on what and how you measure yourself! As Dr. Benjamin Hardy said, happiness is a one-player game where you’re not worried about what others think. 


Final Thoughts

As part of The Gap and Gains, we learn to start measuring ourselves against our own achievements. Where we are today versus where we’ve been. No one and nothing else matters when it comes to defining yourself. This retraining of your mind and habits can be practiced in the exercise above. For more invaluable tips, order a copy of Dr. Benjamin Hardy’s book today. 


Sacred Connection

As always, this community is a sacred, safe place built on love and acceptance. It was created to help you evolve and expand into your highest self. Please share your wisdom, comments, thoughts. I love hearing from you and learning how you are being your truest, you-est you. Please join us in our Facebook group The You-est You Community for Soul Seekers

Join host Julie Reisler, author and multi-time TEDx speaker, each week to learn how you can tap into your best self and become your You-est You to achieve inner peace, happiness, and success at a deeper level! Tune in to hear powerful, inspirational stories and expert insights from entrepreneurs, industry thought leaders, and extraordinary human beings that will help to transform your life. Julie also shares a-ha moments that have shaped her life and career and discusses key concepts from her book Get a PhD in YOU.

Here’s to your being your you-est you!


Connect with Dr. Benjamin Hardy

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