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How To Be a Boundary Boss with Terri Cole
Meet Terri Cole
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen, and (Finally) Live Free. For over two decades, Terri has worked with many clients, including stay-at-home moms, celebrities, and Fortune 500 CEOs. She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over 450,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show.
Terri started out as head of a successful talent agency working with celebrities and high-profile leaders, yet felt something was missing. She kept seeking to feel happy and content but never quite landed there. Instead, Terri decided to pursue a new career by returning to school to become a psychotherapist. She realized that she was going through life not realizing how crucial boundaries are for a fulfilling life that works or that she was a ‘high functioning co-dependent’. We unpacked both of these, how they’re intertwined, and shared why you need to get yourself on the boundary bus and how you might also be a high-functioning co-dependent needing a tune-up. Tune in to learn more!
What Are Real Boundaries
First off, let’s agree to put away any judgment or shame here. I’ve personally struggled in my own life with setting boundaries and high-functioning co-dependency, and the first step is always awareness. We’ll shine the light here on what you might be doing that’s hurting your happiness so you can become more aware. Terri defines boundaries as ‘your own rules of engagement where you know what’s ok and not ok for you. You are clear on your preferences, limits, and deal breakers and communicate them transparently with others. To be masterful and setting and keep boundaries, you’ve got to be cognizant of what they are, how to make sure others know them, and courageous enough to say something when and if they are broken. Most of us are indoctrinated to be ‘good girls’ and to be self-abandoning co-dependents, especially when it comes to boundaries. There are all kinds of reasons we’re not fluent in boundaries. What matters is to learn how to stop self-abandonment. Terri shared it like this — ‘I am the storm, and my life is the boat.’ Can you relate to any of this? I know I can!
A New Kind of Co-Dependent
Being co-dependent means being overly invested in the feeling state, outcomes, and situations of people in our life to the detriment of our own well-being (and on all levels) and not feeling we can ask for what we want. It is actually a form of control and typically affects the over-doers, over-achievers, and over-feelers. Many of us are what Terri calls High Functioning Co-dependents, meaning we’re doing well in life, achieving our goals, and seeming to succeed. However, if you feel put upon, burned out, and resentful often, you probably are also an HFC. The good news is you can change, starting with awareness and forgiveness of yourself. There are things you can do to change this habit patterning that can affect your mindset, happiness, and health. Read on to hear what you can do to change for good.
Here’s How To Stop Being Co-Dependent
These are the strategies you’ll want to start implementing (I know it’s uncomfortable at first) to create solid boundaries and kick the HFC habit.
- Learn to say no, and mean it. No is an answer in itself and is crucial to setting good boundaries.
- Stay on your side of the street and stop taking the other person’s emotional temperature.
- Become a great listener and ask excellent questions. This will help you avoid being triggered or controlling and be curious.
- Get into mindfulness and meditation (daily) and start building your ability to pause and take the time you need to assess and react how you most desire.
This means learning to tolerate discomfort but remember that you are not fragile. You have what it takes to develop the skills and behaviors to have great boundaries.
The most loving thing you can do is to lovingly let people be autonomous and have full sovereignty in their life and take responsibility for yourself.
For more information about Terri and her work, go to: terricole.com. SPECIAL GIFT FOR YOU-EST YOU LISTENERS: If you’d like to get Terri’s book, Boundary Boss, to work on your boundaries (and becoming your strongest You-est You), go to: boundaryboss.me/you
Looking To Help Others Know Who They Are and Design Their Best Life?
If you feel a strong urge to help other big-hearted empaths get unstuck and design their best life, you’ve got to check out my Life Designer Coach Academy. It is a world-class four-month virtual live coach certification program that will give you proven tools, techniques, practices, and methodology to be a powerful coach. This coaching program is for aspiring and current coaches looking to fill in the missing pieces and gain confidence and mastery both in the coaching core competencies and the integrative health modalities from a mind-body science, positive psychology, and healing arts perspective. To learn more, go to lifedesignercoachacademy.com.
As always, this community is a sacred, safe place built on love and acceptance. It was created to help you evolve and expand into your highest self. Please share your wisdom, comments, and thoughts. I love hearing from you and learning how you are being your truest, you-est you. Please join us in our Facebook group: The You-est You Podcast Community.
Join host Julie Reisler, author and multi-time TEDx speaker, each week to learn how to tap into your best self and become your You-est You to achieve inner peace, happiness, and success at a deeper level! Tune in to hear powerful, inspirational stories and expert insights from entrepreneurs, industry thought leaders, and extraordinary human beings that will help to transform your life. Julie also shares a-ha moments that have shaped her life and career and discusses key concepts from her book Get a PhD in YOU
Here’s to your being your you-est you!
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