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Learn How To Stop Feeling ‘Not Enough’ with Julie Reisler
Meet Julie Reisler
Julie Reisler is a mentor and certified master life coach with over ten years of coaching experience and a master’s degree in health & wellness coaching from the Maryland University of Integrative Health. Julie is the founder of the Life Designer Coach Academy, a lifestyle coaching certification. She is also the host and founder of the You-est You Podcast, which is in over 175 countries, and the author of Get a PhD in YOU. Julie has been featured in Forbes magazine, MindBodyGreen, The Chopra Center, and Thrive Global. She is also a prominent teacher, course creator, and guide on the popular app Insight Timer and is on the faculty at Georgetown University in their graduate wellness coach program. To learn more about Julie and how she might support you on your You-est You journey, go to juliereisler.com.
I see you and our growing ‘You-est You’ community as a movement and way to encourage one another to feel safe enough to express yourself fully. I believe when enough of us can create an environment where others can be their truest selves — feeling seen, heard, and known at the deepest level, we will have a much safer and more empowering world. It starts, of course, with doing the inner work within to see where we can be more loving and kind to ourselves. In this solo episode, I shared my struggles with the feeling ‘I’m Not Enough’ syndrome and how comparing myself to others has never worked well. Letting your inner critic drag you down. I’m hoping this talk will inspire you to look within your ‘You-est You’ so that you can start changing the way you see and feel about your miraculous self. Please let me know what resonates and as always, take what you love and release the rest.
Feeling ‘I’m Not Enough’ Syndrome
I can’t be the only one here who has experienced the awful feeling ‘not enough’ syndrome. It happens anytime you somehow measure yourself to someone else or an unrealistic ideal. Allowing your inner critic to corrupt your thoughts and make you feel lesser than others. The problem is that if you’re living your life from the lens of “I’m not enough”, “It’s not enough”, or any aspect of not being, having, or doing enough, you will always come up short. Over time you’ll create patterns and habits of thought that have you believe that nothing you do is enough and that something is off and wrong with you. As Ben Hardy shared in a recent interview about his book, The Gap and The Gain, co-authored with Dan Sullivan, staying in the gap means consistently looking for where you fall short and how you compare to others. With this outlook, you’ll never win. Yet so many of us do this (myself included). Rather, if you’re focused on the gain, you’ll be looking at how you’re doing compared to where you were before or how you’ve grown and transformed for the better. Basically, we’re talking about going from a lack mindset to a growth mindset. You have to rewire your brain for success. I hope that you’ll better understand that your beliefs about ‘not being enough’ are untrue and what is needed is a re-routing of your thought patterns. My intention is to give you tools, strategies, and ways to start a whole new way of seeing yourself and your life from an empowering lens.
How To Overcome ‘Not Enough’ Mean Inner Critic
Before I share these powerful tips to stop the mean inner critic, you have to become aware of it. I want you to get a notepad or place to jot down your thoughts and to track your ‘not enough’ self-talk for a full day. If you can do this for a week, even better, but best to start with a day and see what you find. It’s important for you to get how prominent this voice is and what it’s actually saying. For example, mine might say something like “that’s great you had 20 people at your workshop, but if you were really making an impact, you would have had 100.” Oh yeah, she’s mean and incessant and constantly comes up with ways to make me feel like I’m not good enough. This voice might also tell me that I should have more social media followers, more toned arms, or compare me to others in my industry, even though we are all unique snowflakes. How about you? What does your ‘not enough’ voice sound like? I promise not to leave you hanging. Below are my 3 ways to turn this feeling ‘not enough’ boat around, with a bonus 4th tip because, sigh, 3 were ‘not enough’. Pro-tip, you’ve got to be able to laugh at and with yourself.
1. To Compare Is To Despair
I remember hearing this in a 12-step meeting almost 20 years ago. I thought to myself, that’s nice, ‘to compare is to despair,’ yet I didn’t fully get it until I really marinated with what this means. I can remember doing this at a young age when I’d be in my leotard for ballet or my swimsuit for the swim team. I let my inner critic drown everything else out. I compared myself to all the other girls in class or on my team and always came up short. I felt less graceful, less athletic, less coordinated, less in shape…I just felt less, less, less. This is not a winning equation. Just like competitive swimming, or driving, you’ve got to stay in your lane. The minute you swerve into someone else’s lane, bad things happen. The moment you notice comparing yourself or feeling ‘not enough’, remind yourself to get back in your lane and focus on how far you’ve come in whatever subject you’re feeling a sense of lack. Keep practicing this until it becomes your new habit and way of thinking. Note: most new habits take at least 90 – 120 days, so do not give up and remind yourself that everyone wins when we all stay in our lane.
2. It’s Time To Redefine ‘Enough’
Honestly, what does ‘enough’ even mean? Maybe we’re both overachievers, and if so, my guess is that you could have two Master’s degrees, 13 certifications, a well-paying job, or a successful business, and you might still feel like you’re ‘not enough’ and that there’s more you should or could be doing. The problem with this way of thinking is that you’re working with a dangling carrot that continues to move in front of you. You’re never going to hit the target and will continuously feel like you’ve come up short. You might notice this with your ‘to do’ lists, where it seems you never quite finish any of them and then judge yourself as not being ‘enough’. I’d like to redefine enough for all of us. Let’s stop making our definition about our accomplishments or achievements. Let’s instead reframe ‘enough’ to be about kindness, love, forgiveness, empathy, and encouragement. Instead, ask yourself, ‘Was I kind enough to myself today?’ or ‘Was I forgiving enough of myself in this situation with my brother?’ Do you see and feel the difference? Now you’re at least comparing yourself to qualities of the heart and values that inspire and move you.
3. Quiet Your Inner Critic
Now please don’t make fun of me, but I grew up watching the SNL ‘I’m good enough, I’m smart enough’ skit with Stuart Smalley (aka Al Franken) and Michael Jordan. While it always made me laugh, in all truth, I was also raised by a mom who loved Louise Hay and had me literally look in the mirror to affirm my worthiness. It used to make me cringe, but now I see it as a gift. Here’s the thing, you and I are constantly in the midst of our inner dialogue, much of which is pure crap. Developing new inner talk that’s kind, compassionate, loving, affirming, and sweet is way better than the stuff most of us say to ourselves. It’s time to change the inner dialogue from mean, crappy, chastising, and ‘you’re never enough’ to something way more empowering like the following affirming statements:
* I am enough.
* It’s enough
* I am always right where I need to be
* I am always in right divine timing (for my spiritual friends)
* I am where I’m meant to be and I can trust myself and the Universe
Feels much better, right? Try one of these statements for at least a full day to help rewire your brain and notice how you feel. And of course, share your insights with me in the You-est You Facebook community, on YouTube where I posted this episode, or send me an email. I want to know how this is helping you to reclaim your badassery so you can ditch the feeling ‘not enough’ shitty voice once and for all. Like Louise Hay often said, “Stop being mean to yourself”.
4. Bonus Practice for the Over Achievers
I had to add a bonus practice because three clearly isn’t enough. I’m laughing with myself here. In this final extra credit practice, define and look at what’s enough in these four categories of your life: career, family, health, and relationships. Create realistic goals and intentions, so you know what is enough. An example might be to add more time for regular movement and exercise. Putting on my coaching hat, I’d have you get even clearer by deciding how often you’ll be exercising (3 days a week, 5 days a week, every day, etc), for how long (30 minutes, 45 minutes, an hour), when you’ll exercise (upon waking up, during lunchtime, after dinner) and what kinds of exercise you’ll be doing (biking, swimming, dancing, walking, yoga, etc). Gaining clarity will help you realize what enough looks and feels like. This can help when your mind tells you that you didn’t move enough or do enough. You can call BS on this voice, knowing it is enough. Try creating clarifying goals within all four areas of life and notice how much better you feel. Remember, you get to design your life and the lane you’re in.
Do This To Rewire Your Brain for ‘Enough’
I’d love to know which of these tips and strategies help you the most. While rewiring your brain (thank you, neuroplasticity) doesn’t happen overnight, it can change, and you can transform the way you talk to yourself and how you feel about yourself. I’m also going to remind you that you have a unique array of gifts, skills, abilities, and talents that no one else in the world has. You are good enough. You are smart enough. And heck yes, it’s time you know this and encourage others to do the same.
Stop The Inner Mean Voice with Julie
If you are ready for more significant support to overcome self-doubt and stop your own internal ‘not enough’ voice so you can step into your genius and design your best life, connect with Julie to see if she is the right fit to coach and mentor you. Julie does coaching for entrepreneurs, leaders, and ambitious creatives. To set up a time to chat further, send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Breakthrough Your Biggest Blocks with Julie Reisler
Do you desire to uncover your biggest block? To bust through it and set a clear path? All so you can stride forward in confidence and conquer your goals? Then booking a Breakthrough Session with Julie is just what you need. To learn more go to juliereisler.com/you-me
Discover Your Intuitive Superpower
Make sure you take Julie’s Free Intuition Test to discover your intuitive superpowers to be your You-est You at juliereisler.com/freequiz. To learn more about Julie and how she might support you on your You-est You journey, go to juliereisler.com.
As always, this community is a sacred, safe place built on love and acceptance. It was created to help you evolve and expand into your highest self. Please share your wisdom, comments, and thoughts. I love hearing from you and learning how you are being your truest, you-est you. Please join us in our Facebook group: The You-est You Podcast Community.
Join host Julie Reisler, author and multi-time TEDx speaker, each week to learn how you can tap into your best self and become your You-est You to achieve inner peace, happiness, and success at a deeper level! Tune in to hear powerful, inspirational stories and expert insights from entrepreneurs, industry thought leaders, and extraordinary human beings that will help to transform your life. Julie also shares a-ha moments that have shaped her life and career and discusses key concepts from her book Get a PhD in YOU
Here’s to your being your you-est you!
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